Calibelle

Friday Fun

2008-06-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

Hi blogger ladies,
I am on a mission for organization in my house. I have come to the conclusion that my husband is not on this same mission, and will never be. I am on my own. I have discovered that it is not only my blogging that has suffered but also my bill paying, mail opening, phone call returning, and other necessary fucntions of life. So I ask you all knowing internet people. How do you do it??? Oh, giving up any more sleep is NOT an option. Please send me your wisdom. My child is about to start crawling and it is now or never to find the answers.

Ok, ok

2008-06-16T09:23:00.000-07:00

I know I said I would be better about blogging and I am sure that there is no one still reading but I am going to post anyway. Now the little man is almost 6 months! Holy crap. I am supposed to start doing things like feeding him (ya know, mushy veggies and such). That sounds like it is going to cut into my blogging time even more. bummer. Should make for some funny pictures though :-)

I have to blog about the scene I saw yesterday. We were out for lunch with some friends for father's day and the table across from us a big famiy, 3 school age kids, and their parents were having lunch. The kids and dad were chatting and laughing. Mom was reading a novel. No talking or interacting at all. What's up with that??

Also, did anyone read the NY times mag article on parenting balance? I thought it was very interesting that the only couples that have the balance figured out are lesbian parents. Go Lesbian mamas! Thanks for showing us the way :-)

Hello again!

2008-04-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

Whew! This taking care of a small being really sucks up all of your time huh? I have missed you all and am going to try and be better about cheking in. It has been 4 months...wow! The little prince (LP) has been growing up a storm and can sumo wrestle any of the other babies in his age group. I may have gotten a few hours sleep in the last couple of months and my house is filled with laundry and dirty dishes, but we are having a great time here!
LP is big enough to travel these days and we have been all over the map including a trip home to podunk. It was fab. We got to see our favorite friend RBelle!

So many deatils to fill you in on...but they will have to wait until the next nap time. Baby calls!

The prince has arrived!

2008-01-09T12:47:00.000-08:00

As you probably could have guessed, our little prince has made his grand entrance into the world. Sorry I didn't let you know sooner but things were/are kind of crazy.

He decided to show up one day early (made mommy very happy). The story goes that I had been trying to coax him out with spicy food and long walks to no avail, but as hubby and I were heading to bed the evening of the 19th I said "I bet he decides to come tonight". This was my guess because it was in the middle of a major storm. Rain, wind, the whole nine yards. Sure enough, 30min later the water breaks and we are off...
9.5 hours of labor later, I find that my anesthesiologist is my new favorite person and 7hours after that " the prince" arrives with no complications. He weighed in at 8lbs and was 21 inches. Just perfect :-)

Then all chaos ensued and has just let up in the past couple of days. Brief summary: my parents staying with us and tons of other visitors + Christmas and New Years=very busy. Add in breastfeeding issues + another storm that knocked out power for 2 days to the normal sleep deprivation and general newborn issues and you have a very tired and frazzled mommy.

Today hubby is back at work and prince is asleep in the sling so all is quiet on the western front...for now.

waiting...

2007-12-10T10:37:00.000-08:00

Everything is ready for baby to arrive and we have been keeping busy with holiday activities. We had a nice Hanukkah with family this past weekend and have had our own celebration during the week. We also put up our Christmas tree and decorations. Now we have a long list of holiday parties to attend (if the baby doesn't come first). That is my new line "unless the baby comes". It is more wishful thinking than anything else. The docs don't think he will be arriving this week, but I was having some contractions yesterday that got our hopes up. Today...nothing. I am ready. Hubby is ready. We are just waiting for baby to decide that he is ready too.

Will keep you posted!

turn, turn, turn

2007-12-03T11:28:00.000-08:00

Surprise, surprise the baby turned...all by himself! We went in for a version and the first ultrasound showed that he was indeed transverse so they gave me some apple juice and hooked me up to the monitor to get a baseline. By the time the second nurse came in to check on us, the baby had turned head down! We were shocked. So they quickly strapped me into this super-sexy girdle and gave me instructions to stay as upright as possible. So no more swimming or yoga for me. I will be re-reading the natural birth sections of my books since I was SURE this kid would be a c-section. I think I remember something about breathing. Well, guess I didn't need that scheduled c-section after all. Now I have to wait for the whole contraction/water breaking thing...will keep you posted!

Puppy update

2007-11-26T10:44:00.000-08:00

Nope, there is not a sweet little fuzzy puppy running around my house. I couldn't do it (I wanted to) but I told hubby that I was in no state to make that kind of decision and that it was his call. He decided that we would be too preoccupied with the baby and we would not be the best puppy parents right now. We did pass the word along to other friends and hopefully someone will love the little guy. I did tell hubby that if our friends absolutely could not find a home for him, then he was coming to ours. I hope someone out there finds him irresistible so I do not have to take care of 2 babies (3 if you count hubby :-)

As for things on the baby front, they are moving along. I am sitting here listening to the wonderful sound of drilling and hammering. Music to my ears, because it means that by the end of the week I will have a completed nursery. YEAH!! Good thing, because there is currently no room for my Christmas tree because a stroller, bouncy chair, and baby swing are occupying that space. I can't wait until next week when I will have a nursery AND a decorated tree. Baby will be full term and I can stare at the pretty lights and wait for his arrival. Ahhh that will be so nice.

So cute

2007-11-21T10:44:00.000-08:00

It is not nice to tease a pregnant lady. I am starting to really feel like this baby is getting closer to coming. I have had to slow down quite a bit these days otherwise I get overwhelmed and emotional. I am now in nesting and nurture mode. I love all the sweet little clothes and stuffed animals that people have given us. I am also an impatient pain in the you-know-what with our contractor because I am going to loose my mind if they don't finish the baby's room very soon.

So to add to my current emotional roller coaster, today my husband sends me this photo:

with a note that says "puppy needs loving home...do you want him?"

Are you kidding me? My head says that now is not the best time to get a puppy for a whole long list of reasons, but my pregnant, emotional self wants to bring him home right this second! How cute is he? I will let you know which side wins out.

All I want for Christmas...

2007-11-08T09:56:00.000-08:00

is a scheduled C-section. The likelihood of this baby turning the right way for birth au natural is slim, so after a discussion with the docs I attempted to schedule a C-section yesterday. I did not think it would be a hard thing. I thought most people do the unpredictable labor thing. Apparently, not in my neck of the woods. The OR was completely booked within 2 weeks of my due date! I am not able to schedule a c-section. There was no waiting list, no squeezing me in, all I got was "I am sorry, you are going to have to go into labor and then we will consider it an emergency". Gee thanks.
I would love to go into labor and have a nice normal delivery, but I don't think that is in the cards for me and this little guy. My doc is going to attempt to turn him (which I hear is really painful and I am not looking forward to it) and my acupuncturist is trying to turn him, but I must say that I am not optimistic. I have a feeling he is planning to stay right where he is.

I have nothing against going into labor really, except that he is due very close to Christmas Day and I am not sure which would scar him more, being taken out before he is ready or having his birthday on Christmas. What do you think is worse? I also would prefer my surgeon to be nice and fresh before they cut me open. I do not really want to be the patient that they hurry through so that they can get home to hang out with their family. I don't want to be the patient they work on after they have been awake for 24 hours straight. I prefer my surgeon to have had a nice night sleep and maybe a cup of coffee before he/she wields that scalpel. Is that too much to ask?

I don't need gifts for this Holiday season. I need you to cross your fingers that either he turns the right way, or an OR slot opens up. No bow or card necessary. Thanks!

Stealing candy from babies

2007-11-01T08:44:00.000-07:00

I am not allowed to hand out candy on Halloween anymore :-(

I had high hopes for this Halloween and was really looking forward to it, but I did not factor pregnancy hormones into the occasion. It started off nice. The kids don't go to houses around here, they go to the town festival and people can set up tables in the park to hand out candy. So I have my table all decorated with flowers and pumpkins, I was in costume, and had all the candy ready to go. I couldn't wait to see all the little ones in their costumes! The little ones were not the problem. They were adorable and I loved the parental coaxing to get them to say "trick or treat". So far so good.
Then came the older kids...no costumes, no greeting, no "trick or treat". I figure if you are not going to dress up I at least deserve a greeting before you take my candy. So I made them say "trick or treat" before they could have candy. My hubby was a little concerned with this and told me to chill out. I then also had problems with the kids that dug around in the bucket for 5 min trying to find the candy that they like while there is a line of other kids behind them. But the absolute worst thing. The thing that caused me and my huge pregnant belly to shove my husband out of the way and almost leap over the table and take someone out was when an older lady (60ish) with NO KIDS and NO COSTUME and NO GREETING stuck both of her hands in the candy bucket, took a HUGE pile of candy and walked away. Oh no she didn't...the alarm bells went off in my head because she had just stolen most of our candy and I didn't have any more to give to all of the kids. I know I am not a mommy yet, but apparently my mommy instincts are kicking in because you do NOT steal candy from babies or I will jump over a table and steal it back. I had her shoulder in my hand and was ready to do just that, when hubby pulled me off of her and gave me a "time out". He was right of course. I don't think the children would have enjoyed watching me kick some old lady butt, so I listened to him.
Just in case you are wondering, this is very uncharacteristic for me and at that point hubby was really starting to get concerned. So I spent the rest of the evening in my chair and let him hand out the rest of the candy. I guess I am going to have to watch myself a little more closely from now on.

Just out of curiosity, what would you have done?

Halloween temptation

2007-10-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

I thought my procrastination tendencies would work in my favor this time. Nope, I decided that I needed to go out and buy all of our Halloween candy yesterday. I realize now that this was a very bad idea. It is cold and wet outside so I am snuggled in my house with a huge bucket of my favorite candy to keep me company...at least until I eat it all. I am not sure pregnant women are able to resist this sort of temptation, well, at least not this pregnant woman. I can already hear the "tsk, tsk" from the doctor at my next appointment but I have decided that a few extra "non-baby" (aka fat) pounds won't kill me. Besides, after all of this Halloween temptation comes Turkey day with its yummy pies and the Christmas of course bringing chocolate in lots of forms. I think I will hide the scale and ignore the doctor and just enjoy my holiday treats guilt free :-)

On the baby front, he is doing well and kicking harder these days. I was teaching a class yesterday and while I was talking he kicked me so hard that it actually brought tears to my eyes (the pain kind, not the happy kind). Luckily I was teaching to a room full of preggy people so they didn't seem to mind when I sat down and made them watch video for a few minutes. He seems to be content in there for a little while longer which is good because this house is not quite ready for him to arrive. We are looking forward to meeting him!

Doing well

2007-10-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

So, I am over the fact that I have given up ice cream and I have been very good about hitting the gym. I even joined a prenatal yoga class! I have been thinking about it, but avoiding it because I am SO BAD at yoga. I could barely touch my toes before there was a baby in the way. I would always be the person in the class that the instructor told to "just stay there"( aka nowhere) while the rest of the class twisted into pretzels. BUT this prenatal yoga stuff is a whole nother ballgame. I LOVE it. It is all about being comfy, finding out how to stretch out the parts that hurt from carrying baby, and then the last half of class is all about relaxation poses with pillows and blankets. Ahhh. So nice. I think it is an essential 3rd trimester activity. I signed up for a series that ends the day before my due date. Can you believe it? I am only one yoga series away from a baby. Crazy!

Other than my new workout schedule, the reason I have been neglecting my blog is that we are having our house painted...finally! Most of the rooms in our house are being painted. Since the painters were coming to do the baby's room anyway I added a few more tasks to the list. Hubby was less than excited when he found out the costs of my extra tasks, but was not about to argue with the pregnant woman who is nesting. So I was without Internet for a few days and had to move everything from 3 rooms in my house into one room. Now they have finished painting the office and my Internet is up and running. I am loving looking at my pretty new blue walls :-) The base coat of the baby's room gets done tomorrow and the artist comes in 2 weeks to paint the mural! Some of new furniture should be arriving in the next week or so and I am keeping my fingers crossed that my co-sleeper (on back order) will be one of the items. I am finally making progress! Yeah!

Fat girl

2007-10-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

Things have been moving along quite smoothly in this pregnancy...until yesterday. Don't worry, there is nothing wrong with baby and he is not going anywhere for a little while, but I got the news that I think every pregnant woman dreads hearing...
"you have gained too much weight".
What? Who me?
Just because I sat on my couch for the last 2 weeks and polished off several containers of ice cream does not count. I was sick! It is not fair to count those calories :-(
I am very upset that not only did those calories count, but they tipped the scale over into the dark side. So now what am I supposed to do?? Baby is hungry ALL THE TIME. He is more important than fitting back into my skinny jeans (someday) but I guess I could lay off the ice cream and hit the gym a little more often. I am bummed because I thought I had 9 more weeks of eating for two before I had to go on the post-baby slimdown diet. I am vey sad about it.
Oh well..goodbye Ben & Jerry I will miss you.

feeling a little better

2007-10-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

Not enough to do any constructive work around my house, but enough to venture to out for a few quick errands and then to finish my book on the porch in the sunshine. Since the sun has decided to retreat I came inside to blog (instead of the long list of other things I need to do). They can all wait until I am feeling totally back to normal.
My biggest accomplishment today was rediscovering an ice cream flavor. For some strange reason I have been craving coffee lately. I have not had any, mainly because I like to save my daily caffeine allotment for all things chocolate. Today I needed to replenish my ice cream supply and found Coffee with Heath bar ice cream...YUM! Ben & Jerry are my heroes.
I know it probably has caffeine in it (not to mention a ton and a half of sugar) so little one will be doing all sorts of gymnastics today. Let the bouncing off the walls (of the uterus that is) commence!

Thanks honey.

2007-10-04T10:54:00.001-07:00

My hubby decided to bring home a yucky cold that kept him home from the office for 2 days. Now he has so graciously given it to me. Isn't that sweet. I guess I can't complain that much since I don't actually have to go to an office. No one cares that I am sitting on my couch with a box of tissues while blogging and watching daytime TV. I am going to complain just a little about the fact that hubby could medicate his version of the cold while I am stuck here in all the snottiness. At least I have ice cream and naps to make me feel better.

Here is a picture of me and the 28 week belly (before the cold).

3rd Trimester!!

2007-09-29T13:03:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that we have made it to the 3rd trimester. It is really exciting! I admit that I am one of those women who looooove being pregnant. Sorry if you find them annoying, but I am feeling good. Despite what the number on the scale says, I think I am looking pretty good too :-) I love the belly and am having a great time being obvously pregnant. I have a few un-fun pregnancy symptoms (aka heartburn) and need an afternoon nap every day, but who doesn't love a good nap?
I admit that the whole labor thing makes me a wee bit nervous but I have started reading the books and have have signed up for a class so hopefully that will help. Knowledge is power...but is it pain relief??? I will have to get back to you on that one. Although I might not need any of that breathing stuff since baby's favorite position is transverse (lying across my belly instead of head down). Now I know there is plenty of time for him to turn around, but he was sitting like that at the 19 wk ultrasound, and a 24 wk ultrasound, and now we are at 28 wks and he is sitting in the exact same position. He seems quite comfy. Lots of kicks and squirms these days and the belly just keeps getting bigger (I will try and take a photo to prove it).

I have also actually made progress on the soon-to-be-baby room. We have to get rid of a few pieces of furniture and then maybe I will take a "before" photo for you. Then we are having an artist come and paint the room. So I will definitely include an "after" photo. This woman's work is amazing and I can't wait to see the finished product!!

As you can tell, life is all about baby at this point. I will try and come up with some interesting non-baby updates for you for the next post.

The countdown

2007-08-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

I think it is really starting to sink in that this kid will be arriving in the not-so-far away future. My belly is getting bigger every day and people have started stopping me on the street to ask when I am due. At least it no longer looks like I have eaten too many doughnuts (I did have one the other day, yum). We also had dinner with some friends last Tuesday that were preggo too. They were 4 wks away from due date. She had just stopped working that day and they had just taken their last baby-prep class. Good thing. We got a call on Friday that baby decided to make an early appearance. Congrats to them and their baby girl!
Hubby and I were very excited for them and admittedly a little panicked that our baby-prep timeline might not be as long as we thought. I think it was the wake up call that we needed to really work on getting this house ready for baby. Soon.
I know that I need to do it, but it is sunny outside and the last thing I want to do is dig through my closet and old grad school notes. blah.

I think I will just tell myself that I can go down to the ice cream shop if I spend a few hours on the room. Yep, that was all the motivation I needed. I am off to clean...

2007-08-22T16:45:00.001-07:00

At Tarbelle's request...

2007-08-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been slacking on the updates. This has been one busy summer! Let's see... I finished my (main) job and then was babysitting full time for a friend for a month. It was great to get into baby mode but damn that boy wore me out. Who knew a 5 month old could be so exhausting? He is adaorable and his parents passed on TONS of baby stuff to our baby boy bun in the oven. Yep. Having a boy!!!
Then it was wedding season and I got to party it up (if you call no alcohol and bed at 10pm a party) at the weddings of two of my good friends. It was great fun. Then my little sis and BIL came to visit. Now that was fun! I crammed every activity I could think of into their short trip here. It was really just bribary to get them to come back and visit again.

Whew. So that was the rest of my summer in a nutshell. Now I am (mostly) job free and coming to the realization that I have done zero to prepare for this kid. I think it really hit home this morning when my OB suggested I choose a pediatrition. Oh, right. This kid will need a doctor. He might also need a room, a crib, a changing table, a car seat and a few other goodies. I have 120 something days to make that happen. I think I can handle that. As long as he stays put until sometime in December, I will be OK.

Happy 4th (or 6th)!

2007-07-06T10:54:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting 4th of July this year. We went to watch cars being blown up and then run over by a tank. Oh, and there was food and a pinata too.
I kept hearing all about this place and how cool it was (said my husband who had been before). I can say that it makes for a great story, and some fun pictures (that I will try and figure out how to download for you) but it was not something I really want to repeat. I don't enjoy load noises and I think that I see rockets and tanks on the news enough and it makes me sad. Even though these rockets and tanks were being used for fun, it still made me sad.

We came back to our little town and watched the fireworks from our house. Now that part was nice.

Booty

2007-06-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

I have been neglecting my blog for no good reason other than I am feeling so much better that I have been out doing stuff! I know it sounds crazy that my lazy ass could manage that, but it is true. I started cooking dinner and grocery shopping again (much to the delight of my hubby). I even started showing up for swim practice again. I am loving this second trimester stuff. Things are going peachy with baby and I have started having the food cravings. My favorite thing in the world right now is Pirate's Booty. Tried it? It is like a healthier version of a cheese puff and I loooooove it. I have bags of it all around my house. I am obsessed.

I did put down the booty long enough to participate in a few wedding activities for my friends. A very nice nice shower and THEN a bachelorette/pleasure party. Oh yeah. That was fun. There were some very interesting "toys" passed around and I think the bride to be got some good tips on keeping things spicy. I didn't get any really juicy pics (I am just figuring out how to take pics with my phone) but here is an example of a great bachelorette cake.

Second Trimester, here I come

2007-06-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

I can see the light at the end of the first trimester. Yeah! As of this weekend I will have made it through the first 12 weeks! As my reward for making it through, the nausea seems to have gone away (for the last few days at least). It has been replaced with bed-at-8pm tired. I feel like I have run a marathon, yet I can barely make it off the couch. I am sure this is nothing compared to I-have-a-newborn sleep deprivation, but I am beginning to get the idea. I don't mind too much. At least now I have an excuse to be lazy. Before I was lazy for no good reason.
It has been fun to see hubby start to get into Dad mode. He has been obsessively searching for a video camera. I have never seen him so determined. He finally ordered one that arrived at our house yesterday. He was so excited that he just had to begin filming. This did not really work for me since he insisted on filming me and as I mentioned before, I was almost asleep (even though the sun was still out). Somehow I don't think that will make for very exciting television. My poor parents will probably be the recipients of that oh so exciting video.

My first OB appointment

2007-05-30T18:47:00.001-07:00

So I am (sort of) a normal pregnant lady. Yeah! The little cumquat and I went for out first prenatal vist today. I won't go so far as to say it was fun but I did get to see the little one wiggle around for a second and I loved my doc when she said my chances of miscarriage at this point are very slim. Sounds good to me!
I did notice the difference in atmosphere between the private, everyone pays alot of money out of pocket, fertility clinic and the doctors office in the cramped-for-space, downtown, hospital. I think I was in the storage closet/exam room with peeling paint and continers of odd liquids on the counter. Not the best impression. I guess I was spoiled by the swanky fertility clinic (not that I want to go back!). My doc made up for it. She was great and this practice is where my fertility doc recommend and where she goes herself. Most of my friends go there too and they get rave reviews from everyone I have talked to. A great doc is all I really need, but would it kill them to remove the cleaning supplies and crusty cardboard boxes from the "exam room"? I think I have become a doctor's office snob. How pathetic is that?

Graduated!

2007-05-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

No pomp and circumstance for this graduation. Just a half-naked hug from my RE (I was the half naked one) and I speech about how they would see us back for baby number 2. (we will worry about that later), but we officially graduated from the fertility clinic today!!! I get to go see a normal OB like all the other normal pregnant people. Yeah!!
We also had our 9-week ultrasound today. I am sure they just get cooler from here, but it was so much fun to watch my little embie wiggle around. It would wave its little arm buds and move all around. It was very fun!
I am not sure when we get to check in on him/her next, but I am looking forward to it! I am also looking forward to the end of nausea but I can suck it up for a couple more weeks (I hope it is only a couple more weeks).

One little chickpea :-)

2007-05-06T15:09:00.000-07:00

I love ultrasounds. It was such a relief to see that happy little heart beating. That was about all I could see. The rest was sort of a blob..only one blob though. One is plenty of baby for me! I have another peek in 2 weeks to see how much he/she has grown. I don't know what size it will be then? Walnut maybe? In the mean time, poor hubby has had to cook and grocery shop (NOT something he is used to doing). I am OK with food as long as someone shops for it and prepares it. Otherwise I think all the nutrients this kid would get would be carbs. I am loving the carbs. Bagels are my friend :-)

Hopefully hubby can hang in and be the master chef for a little while longer.

morning sick

2007-05-03T18:46:00.000-07:00

So we have shifted gears from eating everything to the very thought of food making me want to vomit. So far I have avoided that but have been feeling quite crappy (yeah!). I am not complaining. I hear that nausea is a good sign and that thought has gotten me through the last week. We have our ultrasound tomorrow and are hoping for more good news. I am looking forward to seeing my little chickpea! I will keep you posted!

So far so good

2007-04-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

We are still happy dancing over here, but now I have to take breaks every 10 minutes to eat something. OH MY GOD can I eat. I think I could out-eat Hulk Hogan. It is bordering on absurd and starting to scare my husband. I think he is picturing me with a 300lb weight gain instead of 30lbs. Other than the food thing I am still feeling pretty good. We are waiting for our first ultrasound next week to make sure all is well. I am a little nervous because one of my friends just had her ultrasound and all was not well. So very sad. But there is not much I can do about it so hopefully a steady supply of yummy food will convince this embryo to stick around! Cross your fingers for us some more. Thanks!

Positive

2007-04-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

What more can I say? I am too busy doing my happy dance to blog!!! I will know more when we have an ultrasound in a few weeks and I promise to keep you posted, but for now...YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Way post anesthesia

2007-04-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, so you didn't get any updates, because I felt crappy and things went crappy. We got one good embryo. ONE! I was so bummed about it I just couldn't even talk about it. We did the transfer and I twisted the Doc's arm and he put back 3 embryos. Our ONE good one, one mediocre one, and one gimpy one. I know, I know, it only takes one. I would be thrilled with one baby (less thrilled with 3). Now we are playing the waiting game and I am trying to be positive. I have had some twinges and yesterday I was exhausted at work (yet I slept 9 hours the night before...hmmm?) and couldn't get enough food. For example, as I type I am finishing the entire container of tapioca pudding. The unfortunate part is that this is not all that unusual. I love to eat and am happy to do it whenever I can. The tired part, well who knows. Could be all these extra hormones I am hopped up on. Next week we should know more. For now I am just going to pretend that it was the embryos that just HAD to have pudding. Because of that, I don't feel guilty one bit :-)

Im back

2007-03-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the blogger break. It would take me all day to explain but basically it was family drama and travel. So to bring you up to speed on the IVF front, I did the whole suppression thing and the whole stimulation thing. I was shocked that 3 shots a day was not as bad as I thought. I did not gain the 20 pounds that they said I might. I gained a couple, but who cares. I actually feel good. I know it sounds crazy, but I think my body actually likes it. This is the first time that my hormones are actually the same as a normal person. Who knows, maybe it will actually work.
So I did my HCG shot yesterday (in a parking lot). Its a long story and maybe I will post about it later. I go for my egg retrieval tomorrow (aka get all of my eggs sucked out). I am a little nervous about it, and will have plenty of time to blog about it because I am supposed to sit around and do nothing all day after it. At the moment I have 11 follicles, which is good, but less than I thought I would get. They were very careful to not let me hyperstimulate, which I appreciate but if this doesn't work I will only have a couple of embryos to freeze. Let's hope I don't need them!!

More post-anesthesia updates tomorrow! Wish me luck!

IVF Stress

2007-02-24T21:38:00.000-08:00

Mostly it has been other life craziness that has been keeping me from my cyber-friends. Hopefully that part of life is slowing down and I can fill you in on the joys of IVF. The latest is that apparently they make you pay (in full) for the cycle 2 weeks before you start the fun drugs. They neglected to mention this little fact until Friday at noon, and now we are supposed to have signed all of our contracts and paid the bill by MONDAY. Of course we are supposed to sign the forms together and they have to be witnessed and this done at the clinic. I am not sure how this is going to happen seeing as how we both have jobs in different cities!Ugh. Supposedly if it is not done, then they stop treatment. I will be all-sorts-of-pissed-off if they try and do that. Can't a girl get an extension? Now I am all paranoid about it.
All I can say is...Don't make me come over there! (see, don't I sounds like a mom already :-)

I heart birth control

2007-02-14T20:20:00.000-08:00

On this lovely Valentines day I have been too busy and am too tired to care about hearts and flowers. Hubby has had major crisis at work and will not be home until super late tonight. So we are unoffically boycotting the holiday this year (except that I ate 2 cupcakes at work today). Oh well.
I am finishing off my non-holiday celebration with a big fat birth control pill. yep. The Pill. I think it must be a joke among fertility docs that their infertile patients are subjected to this kind of irony. I picked up my prescription today and actually had to explain it to the pharmacist. She was very confused. I am learning that it is actually the "suppression" stage of my very first IVF cycle. Hubby and I met with my doc yesterday and handed me a big-ass binder full of info (that I have been avioding). I think we are in the big leagues now! oh boy!

Here we come

2007-02-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

IVF, here we come. Another negative. I am now googling all I can about it and trying to figure out what I am in for. I will do whatever it takes I just hope that it works.

Crazy

2007-01-25T18:48:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the love, and sorry for the lack of updates. The last 2 weeks have been crazy with a captial "C"! Since I quit my job, I needed to start looking for a new one. I apparently had job-hunting amnesia and forgot how isane it was! So I now have a new job that starts this week. Whew.

On the fertility front: Of course, during all of the job craziness there were also 3 doctors appointments. They were all good news so far. MRI results = no surgery needed, just a wierd shaped uterus. We also had 3 follicles this month (yeah!) and an IUI so we are VERY hopeful that at least one of them will stick (preferably not all 3). If they don't stick, then we are breaking out the big guns. Bring on the IVF. I am not sure how the IVF and the new job will mix but it should be interesting. I really hope that this month works and that I am balancing OB appointments and the new job instead. Of course, we just have to wait.

In the tube (MRI)

2007-01-12T19:00:00.000-08:00

I spent 2 hours in a very loud tube today. It was way fun :-(
I guess it wasn't so bad. I got to wear pants (which is more than I can say for most of my appointments). I had been warned about the tube and the noise but I did not know that they were going to shoot me up with all sorts of stuff. An IM injection and an IV were not on my radar. Although I am not afriad of needles, whatever they gave me made me sick. It did give me an excuse head straight home to my comfy couch. I am feeling better now. I even got some sympathy from hubby. He ordered us some pizza and we are watching one of my favorite movies. I doubt I will hear about the results for a week or so. Since everything takes so frickin long we figured we could get in one more cycle before doing surgery. So tomorrow begins yet another round of drugs and fun. Yee Haw!

updates

2007-01-11T09:02:00.000-08:00

Not too much to update with. My MRI is tomorrow and I am not sure what to expect. I understand what they are in theory, but the last time I was told a procedure would take no time and be painless, it was the exact opposite. So we will see.
Today begins another cycle and I am not sure what we are doing with it. I am assuming that we are doing the same old thing and then will maybe do surgery next month depending on the results.
In the meantime, I am looking for a new job and keeping busy.

Negative/Positive

2007-01-07T12:21:00.000-08:00

Don't get too excited...
Another negative result but my positive outlook is intact this month (no ice cream necessary :-)

I didn't expect much this time around with my one measly little follicle, ovulation during my red-eye flight, and being surrounded by a house full of family during primo timing. I did hope that it would happen mainly so that I could tell my future offspring that they were truly a southern child. Not in the cards I guess.
What is in the cards is an MRI for me on Friday. Oh boy. I have never had one and am not looking forward to it, but if it brings me one step closer then I am all for it.

As for now I am polishing my resume and reading lots of newspapers so I can sound like I know what the hell I am talking about in a job interview that I hope comes my way. Somebody's got to want me, right?

Happy New Year!

2007-01-04T16:25:00.000-08:00

I hope all is well and everyone is starting off 2007 with a bang.

I started mine off by quitting my job. I gave notice yesterday but will probably have to work for another month or so. I need a break from the mom & baby biz. SO my New Years resolution is to get myself a new j.o.b.
Almost all of my experience and education falls under the mom & baby catagory (ironic huh?) so now I am entering new territory. Wish me luck!

Holiday distractions

2006-12-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

The holidays have been keeping me busy. I find that is a blessing and a curse. I love the distraction, but there are some holiday moments that make me long to be a mom. Watching my niece open her gifts (we had Hanukkah celebration on Sat), little girls with cute dresses and mary jane shoes at the nutcracker performance, and baking cookies. I think its hard because last year during the holidays we had been trying for 6months and I thought FOR SURE we would be pregnant before this Christmas and now I am wondering how many more holiday seasons it will be before we get there. I am hopeful that we will get there in this next year, but that's what I said last year.
As for the progress. I talked to the doc about the surgery and have to have an MRI in January. It looks like there will be another couple of cycles before the surgery happens. Hopefully one of them will be THE cycle and I can avoid the knife altogether. I am hoping 2007 will be a lucky one.

Messing with me

2006-12-11T09:50:00.000-08:00

I am trying to get over my post negative blues and making progress and then AF has to go and mess with me. She showed up a day late and for a whole 24 hours I actually thought the test might have been wrong and got my hopes all up and stuff. Well she has arrived to crush those hopes yet again and also her tardiness messed up timing for IUI this month. Thanks bunches Flo.

Do over

2006-12-07T09:26:00.000-08:00

It was yet another negative test result day. Apparently vacation relaxation was not helpful enough and there will be no Christmas baby miracles here. Now I have to call my doc and talk about surgery and IVF. Merry Christmas to me.

I am also out of ice cream.

Is it tomorrow yet?

Dread

2006-12-06T08:40:00.000-08:00

I am wrapped in a sense of dread and impending doom. The time for testing is rapidly approaching and I want nothing to do with it. I want to hold on to my shred of hope that this month will be different. But alas the pee sticks must come out and I am afraid they will report the same bad news. I attempted a preemptive strike on the sadness by consuming an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's (phish food this time) but it just brought on the nausea that I was hoping to feel for a different reason. I fear that I might run out of ice cream flavors before I get the news I want.
Well, another day, another spoonful. I will keep you posted.

The name game

2006-12-01T08:43:00.000-08:00

Vacation is great, but I have been trying to wade throughout the pile of mail and other stuff to do and have not have enough time to blog. So sorry.

Anyway, not much new on the TTC front. Still waiting. I ditched the ticker because I could never get it show the right day. But I can continue to tell you about my SIL TTC saga. There is a little (big) back story that would take too long to type but I will give you the highlights. So basically in addition TTC (yes, they know we have been trying) my BIL and SIL are threatening to steal our favorite potential girl name. Now I KNOW my worrying about this sounds stupid and petty and I realize that it kind of is, but if you knew the whole back story it would make much more sense. Anyway, when they were preg last time they asked for advice on what to name the baby and we asked them to please not name her X (our chosen name) because it was the only name that hubby and I could agree on. It was not in their top choices at the time so we didn't think it would be a big deal. Well they got all offended and said that they loved the name and might use it. Ok fine. We just thought we would ask, and they ended up using another name . No big deal UNTIL...
There was a dinner conversation on our vacation (I promptly left the table upon its beginning) and they were talking about TTC and how if they have a girl they have 2 names left from their top 3 and now my SIL doesn't like one of the other names so they think they would pick X (the name that this whole back story and argument was about).Seriously? They had to have known that this would be like rubbing salt in a wound for me, right?? It is not about the name really, but I feel like that was downright mean to talk about. She is not my favorite person right now.

SO, because I realize that this whole argument is completely stupid, I broke out the baby name book last night (yes, I have a baby name book). Hubby bought it for me when we started trying and it has been deeply buried in a drawer ever since. We went in search of a new name that we could agree on so that we could let go of the other one and so that I can not be upset when my BIL & SIL get preg before us, have a girl, and name her X. (OK I will still be upset, but I might be able to avoid unnecessary violence).

Wow, there are a lot of girls names out there and some are doozies. Yikes! I am very thankful to my parents that they spared me from the fate of some of the ones I read. We don't have any winners yet but I felt better that we found some new possibilities. I also know that all this is a little premature, but it part of the hopefull phase that I am in at the moment. One more week until we know whether or not we can put these names to good use.

Home again

2006-11-27T08:49:00.000-08:00

Wow that was good vacation! I now have to deal with the post-vacation pile of things to do, but it was totally worth it.
On the TTC front. I (tried) not to think about it too much. We gave our best ovulation time effort and now we are waiting again. The trying not to think about it was complicated by my SIL announcing that they were also TTC again. oh joy (insert sarcasm here). So I tried not to be too paranoid about the future pregnancy announcement and the fact that it very well might come before mine. Tried being the operative word here. I also got lots of time to play with my beautiful niece. I LOVE being with her, but I must admit it does remind me of how much I want a little one of my own to play dress up with. Ahhh someday.
(hopefully before my SIL!!)

Cycle day

2006-11-13T09:47:00.000-08:00

something or other. I am on vacation starting in five, four, three, two, one (days that is). I still have one more week, but then it is sunshine and not-so-sandy beaches! Yeah!
I do have to keep better track of my cycle this month since I am on my own but I am not stressing about it. I refuse.
When I get back, I plan to torture my husband. I am dragging him to a meditation workshop (given by my fertility clinic) and WE are joining a support group. He is being a good sport, but is just oozing reluctance. Sorry hubs, I think it help keep me sane in the long run. Don't we all want that?

Censoring my netflix

2006-11-09T08:45:00.000-08:00

I will have to take a closer look at what movies are waiting in my queue. Last night I was an unsuspecting victim. I was subjected to a movie about a husband cheating on his infertile wife and getting his mistress pregnant. Evil Movie!!!
I have no idea what happened next. That was as much plot as I could handle. I think there should be additions to the movie rating system. How about "I" for infertility content, or maybe a scarlet "A" would be more appropriate. I will be sure to screen my movies more closely in the future.

Bouncing back

2006-11-08T13:53:00.000-08:00

Thanks for coming to my pity party yesterday. You know I always serve the best ice cream. Thanks for sharing it with me :-)
I guess I got all of the sad and moping out yesterday because today I feel surprisingly good. Go figure. Anyway, this next month is low pressure and low expectation. We are doing things the old fashioned way (well, sort of) I still have to drug my cycle into submission, but we will be on vacation during the ultrasound/IUI portion of the month so we are on our own. No doctors, no monitoring (guess they are confident that my 14 follicle days are over) and no expectations. I figure if last month with 2 follicles and IUI didn't work that the old fashioned way is not going to cut it. So I plan to enjoy my vacation (did I mention that it was tropical!?! :-), maybe have a few well timed romantic evenings and see what happens.
If this doesn't work, my body has December to get in line or we are going under the knife. I have decided to have surgery to get rid of my uterine septum and then maybe move on to IVF.

You hear that, body? You have until January 1 or drastic measures will be taken. You have been warned.

Negative

2006-11-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

Again.

Breakfast: Ben & Jerry's Organic Cookies & Cream

To be or not to be?

2006-11-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

Just in case the suspense was killing you as much as it is me, I thought that I would give you an update. The last few days I have had a disappointing lack of symptoms. Plenty of energy, no nausea, no nothin. WTF?? What happened to my general malaise? I want it back! I was SURE something was happening in there. What happened??
I never thought that feeling fabulous would suck so bad. I WANT to feel crappy (as long as it is for good reason). Ugh.
The official test is tomorrow, I hope that I am pleasantly surprised, but I am feeling perfectly fine and totally unpregnant.

Maybe?

2006-11-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

I will know nothing until Tuesday, but either I am
1. getting a cold
2. manifesting psychosomatic symptoms
3. possibly pregnant

I have had an underlying tired/not felling great all week. I actually had to take a nap the other day. I have felt the occasional twinge (although this has happened before and I still got a BFN) and, as I type I am feeling a teeny bit queasy (but this is not all that unusual for me either). Until there is a blue line or actual toilet-hugging I will not be convinced.

We will have to wait and see, but I also must confess that my hopes are WAY high this month. If I do end up with a negative I am going to need some serious stay-in-bed-and-eat-ice-cream-all-day therapy, and maybe some more of those great cyber hugs from ya'll.

Fertility camp!

2006-10-29T14:44:00.000-08:00

I spent my whole Saturday at fertility camp. There was no bug juice or campfire songs but there were different cabins. There were the newbies who went to lectures on how to have a baby naturally. Ha! We are way past natural and were team 2 or the ART crew. Our day was filled with IVF talk and my all time favorite "time is running out" speech. Thanks. The other groups were "3rd party"- or sperm/egg donors. I am not ready for that yet. Then there was the adoption crew. I was hoping to catch a class or 2 of theirs, but hubby is still phobic. That , and we had enough info of our own to deal with.
I must say that I learned a ton. I thought that the internet was a good place to gather info, but when you gather 20-30 reproductive edocrinologists (among others) you can learn a lot. The best part was wacthing hubbys face. In the morning he was panicked and thinking we were going to fast. At the end of the day, he was ready to call the docs and start IVF next month. It was quite amazing.
I am hoping that we won't have to go there.
Although it was informative, I think making smores by a campfire would have been more fun.

Double the fun!

2006-10-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

I had yet another ultrasound this morning and am happy to report not one but 2 happy little follicles ready and waiting. I am happy because we have double the chances (well probably not statistically, but in my head we do). I am also happy because we are doing IUI this month (intrauterine insemination) which means there is one less variable in the equation. Yeah!
I am leaving the conception totally up to the medical professionals this month and am enjoying my (less) pressure existence. I also gave up charting. Yep, I have absolutely no idea what my temperature is and I don't care. All I have to know is what day to take the preggy test.
I am just kicking back and reading the Anne Lamott books that you all suggested. I can feel the stress decreasing with every page. Thanks.

Bandwagon

2006-10-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

I am jumping on the infertility bandwagon! I joined Resolve (the national infertility org). I have been putting it off thinking "oh, I will get pregnant this month so what's the point?" Well, the point is that sometimes a girl needs some support (although I must say you blogger friends have been fabulous).
I am a team player. I spent my life in a (semi) team sport and am missing my teammates. So I am have decided to join "Team Infertility" (aka this resolve group). GO TEAM! I am hoping with hard work I will make the varsity squad (aka Team Preggers) and then maybe, just maybe go pro with Team Mommy.
I am jumping in with both feet. I signed up for membership, signed hubby and I up for an all day symposium next weekend, and called to join a support group. I am SURE that we will get pregnant this month, but I am covering all my bases and preparing for the long haul just in case. I will fill you in on what happens at all the preggy pep rallies, and who is sucking face behind the bleachers at the games (that would be ME because babies don't come from the stork ya know). Should be good times!

This month will be different

2006-10-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

To celebrate yet another negative result hubby bought me roses and took me out to the super fancy sushi restaurant. He is a good man who is a quick learner when it comes to keeping his crazy TTC wife happy. Yes, yesterday sucked (until the roses and dinner part) but my body and I had a little pow-wow. We talked, and decided that this is it. This is the month. I promise to keep up my end of the bargain with the healthy activities and it promises to carry a baby for nine months. That's the deal. I have moved past optimism, and protective pessimism and on to demanding what I want. There will be no more wishing and hoping and all that touchy feely crap anymore. This is it. There will be a baby this month. You hear that body....I am not even close to kidding!

shout out

2006-10-05T11:33:00.000-07:00

I would like to give a BIG shoutout to Raybelle who is getting married this weekend!!!! Congrats to you and Beach Boy! I hope you have a wonderful time on your special day!

Liberating actually

2006-09-29T20:42:00.000-07:00

Feeling a little bit better today. Thanks so much for all the hugs! They are just as good as the in-person kind. Hubby and I had a chat about the whole thing and he was understanding (of course) so that made me feel much better. He is trying to do little things like remove the abundance of alcohol we have in our house (we have had people over to the house quite a few times in the last couple of weeks). Everyone brings wine (which is very nice) and we had bought a bunch of beer for a BBQ and no one drank it so alcohol was literally taking over my fridge. Seriously, I could barely fit in the milk.
I have also found a silver lining in the whole TTC burnout thing. I actually think about other things during the day. My brain has shut down to the babymaking thoughts and I can think about....Whatever else. I block it out so much that I almost forgot to take my drugs the other night. I am liking the new found brain freedom.
I will keep trying to get out of this funk. Anyone have any favorite books, quotes, songs, or other means of inspiration? I need a new perspective.

SO over it

2006-09-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

Optimism lost. The bad attitude has continued into this month's two week wait. I am over this whole TTC thing. It is not fun anymore. OK, it stopped being fun fun a long time ago, but I think I have almost reached a breaking point. I want to be done. One way or another. I am SO over feeling like this is all on me and all Hubby has to do is...ya know. I am SO over these drugs taking over my emotions and acting like crazy lunatic lady. I am way over the fact that the drugs are also causing me to pack on the pounds... The scale, Idon'twanttotalkaboutit. I am SO over the not drinking alcohol or coffee and (trying) to stay away from the ice cream. I am so over analyzing every move that I make and wondering if I am sabotaging my efforts. SO over it!!!!
The docs, my friends, and my hubby are all giving me the " It has only been 2 months since the drugs are working properly, so consider this the beginning". Beginning my ass. My psyche has been dealing with this for 14 months and it needs a break or it is going to break. I will not be much of a mom if I am huddled in a corner of a psych ward mumbling to myself. I am over ALL of it.

I am considering taking a break. Hopefully this month will work and I won't have to worry anymore, but if not, I am going to reevaluate the situation. This path is no longer working for me.

My security blanket

2006-09-19T14:53:00.000-07:00

I love my weekly acupuncture appointment. I started going for fertility stuff, but have found it to help lots of other things as well. I also love my acupuncture too, but she is going on vacation for a month! How dare she have a life! How can she abandon me in my month of need? She has a sub, but he is not nearly as good. I guess I will have to rely on my body to pull through this month on its own (normally I would insert negative sarcastic remark here, but I am trying to be hopeful) I have an ultrasound on Saturday and will be hoping that there is something to report.

Since I am trying out the whole optimistic thing, I am hopeful that this will be a good month.

A pattern

2006-09-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

I am noticing a pattern for my monthly TTC adventures. They begin with disappointment that the last cycle didn't work and I have to slowly work my attitude back into something that resembles optimism. That's the stage I am in currently. My hubby reminded me this morning that we have only had good chances for 2 months, and then reminded me that the stats say it can take up to a year. Yeah. Thanks hubs. The thought of this for another year makes me want to run screaming to the nearest padded room.
I am working on the next stage when the drug taking and "timing" come into play. I usually come around and am and optimistic that it could possibly happen. Then the 2 week wait when I think it might actually be happening and I get really hopeful. Then comes the testing and ...and either disappointment or may elation? Hopefully sooner than a year from now.

My goal for this month is to really try and work on the attitude. I need a new mantra. I am not sure the "I'm good enough, smart enough, and gosh darnit people like me" is going to cut it :-)

no need to shout

2006-09-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

AF showed up at 4am this morning and she was pissed. She simply laughed at the tylenol that I threw at her. I am usually the lucky girl with no symptoms that accompany her visits. Clearly those days are over. I was already unhappy about the fact that she was coming, and this month she thought it would be funny to rub it in. I am not finding it funny at all.

My glass is half full...

2006-09-08T11:55:00.000-07:00

of Merlot, and my plate is half full of sushi. You can all guess what that means...another big fat negative. Thankfully, two of my wonderful, beautiful, supportive Belles were at dinner with me last night and through lots of girl talk and gossip helped me to remember that a glass half full of good red wine is not such a bad thing, even when you have a uterus that is more than half empty. I love you guys. Thanks bunches.

Hope for the best...

2006-09-04T17:02:00.000-07:00

and prepare for the BFN. My brother's visit was a great distraction, but now I have 2 days to obsess before heading to Podunk. Let me tell you that suppressing the obsession only makes it come back full force when you let down your guard.
Things I have been obsessing about:
1. There have been definite twinges this month. Can't describe them, and have no idea what they mean (maybe bad tacos, maybe a baby)
2. I am particularly sensitive at the moment. I was ready to cry last night because my souffle exploded all over my oven (mostly because now I have to clean the oven, which I hate) and this morning watching the news. There was some sad stuff, but jeez, are tears really necessary?
3. I am also playing a (sick, twisted, crazy making) little game with my leftover cheap ovulation predictor strips. I heard from a fellow blogger that they could be used as preg tests so I have tried that the last 2 days. I get 2 lines (yeah!) but do you know what that means???? SQUAT! I know that I have HCG in my system. I put it there with a large injection into my boo-tay. I know that I am not supposed to test until day 14 (next week) but I looooooove seeing those beautiful double lines. I am now trying to decide if they are getting darker or lighter. I could use an actual pregnancy test but I am too big of a chicken (besides they are much more expensive) so sadly for a real result we will all have to wait until next week. Waiting sucks.

Distraction

2006-08-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

That's the name of the game for me during this 2 week wait.
I had a west coast belle reunion on Friday. It was great to see my old friend. Now this week my brother comes to town and then I head to Podunk for a week of southern sun. I hope to catch up with more belles while I am in town! With all of that excitement, who has time to think about pregnancy????
(Me, of course) but maybe not every second of the day. The blogging may be less in the next couple of weeks, but who wants to hear me obsess about temperatues again any anyway? I think I will spare you the boredom this month, but will take all of the crossed fingers and happy thoughts that I can get. Thanks!

the early bird gets the...sperm?

2006-08-23T15:07:00.000-07:00

I thought that since we were doing exactly the same drug this month at exactly the same dose that things would be exactly the same as they were last month. Not so much. According to today's ultrasound we had an early bird of a follicle. I wasn't expecting anything until Saturday so I told hubby that we would be "staying in" this weekend. But much to my surprise things are ready to go today! Hubs and I have had a very "romantic" week already so surprisingly we are right on track. (I know TMI, but you knew what you were getting yourself into when you started reading). I think it would be great if things worked out this month. It would be as close to natural as we are ever going to get and I would like to think our kid was concieved out of love instead of " hey you...strip!". Whatever method produces a child will work for me, but the former is a little more warm and fuzzy. Dontcha think?

Lather, rinse, repeat

2006-08-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

That's how I feel about this cycle. We are doing exactly the same thing we did last month. (I guess I feel ok about that). The only difference so far has been my argument with the dude at the pharmacy about the size and length of the needle that I need to inject myself in the ass. Understand that my closest pharmacy is not in a nice section of town so talk of needles apparently makes people nervous. Or maybe talk of needles makes people nervous in general. Anyway after a 10 min argument over the fact that he gave me the wrong one, I gave up. I came home and double checked the prescription (which he has a copy of) and indeed he gave me the wrong one. Now, do I really want to go and ask for the bigger, longer, scarier needle that was requested or can I get away with the small one that he gave me. Hmmm. What's a girl to do?

Trying to rally

2006-08-14T09:14:00.000-07:00

So I had my glass of wine to mourn the last cycle and rally for the next. I am guessing we are doing the same thing this cycle as last cycle, but I put a call into the doc to see if we are changing anything. Waiting to hear back from her.

I think the beginning of the cycle is almost better than the 2 week wait becuase I am DOING stuff (taking the drugs, getting ultrasounds, and of course the FUN part). So I am trying to get my attitude adjusted again to thinking that this will be a good month for us. Still working on that.

Nope. Not this time.

2006-08-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

Nada, zip, zero...in other words, big fat negative. Big fat shocker (note sarcasm). I have decided that instead of wallowing in self pity by submerging myself knee deep in Hagen daas I will try the gym for my attitude adjustment. Although I must admit that most of the motivation for going to the gym comes from the fact that I cannot button the top button of my favorite jeans. Up until today I was hoping it was because I was preg. HA! Nope, just too fat. Hello stairmaster, you and I are going to be friends this month. If can't have a baby I AT LEAST want to look hot in my jeans!

10 DPO

2006-08-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

That's "days-post-ovulation" for all of you non-TTCers. That means that IF there was a happy little embryo, it should have implanted by today. The fact that I do not know if there was said embryo or if it implanted is making me crazy. I have to wait at least 4 more days before I will know anything. I can't even take a test "just to see" because my HCG shot will make it show up as a false positive. So really the pee stick won't tell me anything for sure.
My body is no help either. If I had to guess, I would say that I was not preg. I feel nothing. Not one single little bit different than I do every other day. My temps have been all over the map the last couple of days. Still in the high enough range, but not getting higher. But on the bright side, I have no PMS symptoms and if I was not on the progesterone AF would be showing up tomorrow.

So basically I am totally overanalyzing all of this and only time will tell. But could it at least hurry up already???

temps with attitude

2006-07-30T17:12:00.000-07:00

I am happy to report that my temperatures are much better now. Up and up and up. That makes me happy, happy, happy. Starting tommorrow we enter the implantation zone (assuming there was some egg+sperm action last week) which means I will be on extra high alert for any symptoms. I will of course keep you posted.

I have no physical symptoms of anything, feel totally normal. My attitude is apparently a different story. Unlike last month when I felt yucky and blue, this month I feel fine but hubby informed me this morning that I have had "attitude" lately.
What does that mean?? Can I consider it a possible pregnancy symptom? Is there such a thing as first-trimester-pregnancy-induced-attitude? Of course when AF shows up in a week or so I will have no excuse and have to find some other explination. Oh well, until then I will pretend that my "attitude" is a good thing. Every girl should have a little attitude, right?

What the temp tells

2006-07-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

My temperatures are making me a little nervous. They are "high" compared to the rest of the month which is supposed to mean that I ovulated like I was supposed to, but they are only a teeny bit high. Just enough. I want more. I need reassurance!
The progesterone is what makes them go up and I figure my body is supposed to be making some and then I am taking extra on top of that. Don't you think that would make my temps higher than usual? I am sure that I am over analyzing but I keep waiting for my temps to creep their way up. Come on, you can do it! Higher temperatures means good things. After next week it could mean VERY good things. In the mean time, I will continue to analyze every temperature and twinge in my body, hoping for a sign. At the very least I want a sign that the ovulation was successful, and at the most...well you can guess. ( I am too nervous to even type the thought. I am afraid to get my hopes up) . I am here, waiting, hoping, waiting, hoping....

Update: My temp was ever-so-slightly higher this morning. That makes me exponentially happier.

It's all good :-)

2006-07-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

This is my first fully functioning, appropriate timing, there is a chance (albeit slim) that I might actually get pregnant this month, cycle. Everything worked! My one follicle matured beautifully. I got an HCG shot, and we followed all medical advise for "timing". Now with the help of extra progesterone we hope for a cushy lining and we wait. Hang with me for the trying-not-to-get-my-hopes-up 2 weeks and we will see what happens. We are getting closer :-) Yeah!!!!!

Ladylike

2006-07-20T14:41:00.000-07:00

This month, my ovaries have decided to behave like the ladies that I have tried to encourage them to be. They did what the new drugs told them to and made a cute little semi-mature follicle. And yes I said a follicle...as in one, not 14. Now I can rejoin the ranks of most other women in the world who produce one follicle a month. Slowly (very slowly) but surely we are getting closer to parenthood The ladies are learning. I am so proud.

The docs want to check up on my prize follicle on Saturday, so off to another ultrasound we will go, AND because it is on a Saturday I am making hubby come with me. It irritates me that he has yet to see the inside of a clinic since the beginning of all of this TTC stuff. So I made it perfectly clear that this weekend there would be no golf/soccer/bike rides/etc and that he will be staring at fuzzy black and white pictures of my ovaries. Boy was he excited.

Thanks for the good thoughts and crossed fingers. Keep them crossed, we still need ovulation but things are looking good! I think we may have found our drug of choice. I have not had the crazy emotional side effects that the clomid gave me. I feel like myself again (which means still crazy...but in a good way :-)

Until Saturday!

Ouch!

2006-07-14T09:16:00.000-07:00

In the name of "I'll try anything once" and my upcoming wedding anniversary I decided to get a bikini wax. I have never had anything waxed before (no, not even my eyebrows). Since I was being adventurous, I opted for a more exotic version. All I can say is OUCH! What was I thinking??? Of course, since I had undergone all of that pain in the name of love for my hubby (and since I was already at the spa) I decided that his anniversary gift to me would a nice, relaxing, facial. I felt much better after that. Thanks honey.

I realize that this is more information than you probably care to know about me, but I offer this as a warning to those potentially contemplating this little procedure. I am down with the waxing but I advise sticking to the more conservative American version.

On the fertility front: I have another ultrasound on Wed. and I wonder if I will get a raised eyebrow from my doc when she sees the new "do". We shall see! We shall also see if the new drugs are working (but not too well). So far so good. I have not been crying at commercials, but both my TV and my computer are currently broken. (I am coming to you from hubby's computer). Not sure how much blogging will be done in the near future, but I will try and pop in.

Another Round!

2006-07-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

Oh how I wish that meant "another round ...of alcoholic drinks" but alas, I am referring to another round of fertility fun. AF showed up right on time and I put in my obligatory call to the fertility doc. New drugs in a few days (beware of more insanity) ultrasound a week later.
I must admit, I am tired of doing all the "right" things to make this happen. This month I want to hike to a mountain top, have potfulls of coffee, and go out partying all night while drinking lots of wine! Will I do all of these things?? No. I will drink my green tea on the drive from my acupunturist to my yoga class. I will go to bed at 9pm and there will be no partying. I am lame, and obsessed with all of this and would feel completely guilty if I did anything that could jeopardize this cycle. Of course, if this cycle works, I get to pat myself on the back and say that it was all because I was in tune with my body and followed all of the directions. (I would skip the part about the powerful drugs and close monitoring by medical professionals) Nope, if this cycle (or one in the future) is successful I am taking ALL of the credit. Well, I guess I could give hubby a little credit too...but just a little :-) Hopefully this will be our month!

P.S. The ovulation counter above is actually (shockingly and coincidentally) on the right day!!

The funky fourth

2006-07-06T10:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend was quite an adventure. Hubby and I went to the wedding of 2 Iron Man Triathletes. There was a not-so-mini triathalon, major hike, a soccer/football game (he is English), oh and dancing in high heels (which totally counts as an athletic event, btw). You would think that with all of that exercise, outdoor activity, and lovey sentimental stuff I would have been in a great mood. But no, it appears that I am no longer in charge of my mood, and it no longer needs rhyme or reason to go sour. I admit, I am prone to being in the occasional funk. It often coincides with crappy weather, but this time there was no explanation. I think it may have had a little to do with the multitude of children and big preggy bellies, at the wedding. These are my friends so I love playing with the kids and am thrilled for the preggy ones, but I guess I felt left out. Hubby and I were the only 2 non-newlyweds that didn’t have kids or one on the way. It was a bummer.

I guess my previous pity party turned into a low grade funk, but I feel like I am coming out of it now. I had much alcohol at the wedding. Hubby could tell I was in a funk and valiantly offered be the sober driver home from the wedding (even though the couple were more his friends than mine). That’s true love for ya.

On the upside I should get a visit from AF soon and we can start another round. Stay tuned.

Better now

2006-06-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

The swelling seems to have gone down, my temperature is up, and I gave myself a time-out for my childish behavior. I am feeling more adult now. I am afraid to be hopeful that this temp increase might mean that I ovulated on my own. I will have to wait a few more days to find out. Until then...

FYI

2006-06-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

When your ovaries are the size of lemons it makes you feel fat.
Ugh. The buttons on my pants are not happy.

The doctor said: clomid + me = not good. So we have to try something new. The problem, well its not really a problem (except for my phyche) is that I have to WAIT. I hate waiting. Especially when the thing I have to wait for is my stupid ovaries. We all know how reliable they are. I have to wait and see if I ovulate on my own (yeah, right) for the next 3 weeks. If not, then another ultrasound and provera to start a new cycle. The starting the new cycle is a good thing but 3 weeks + 2 weeks of taking the pills + a week of waiting for my period to start after stopping the pills puts me well into August before we can try something new.

I am trying to be positive. I am trying not to be an impatient whiney brat, but I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN NOW!!!! Ok, so I am not trying very hard, but I am in self pity mode. Waa.

Now what?

2006-06-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

I dunno. I talk to my doc again on Tuesday and I think we wait for this overzealous cycle to wear itself out and start again next month. With a different drug.

However, The fact that my ovaries seem to be up to the challenge is a very good sign!

Down Girls!

2006-06-22T15:55:00.000-07:00

Ya'll are not going to believe this one. Yesterday I was hoping and praying that the clomid worked and that I would have a couple of follicles with egg-potential. Yeah...be careful what you wish for.

I was very very close to being on the evening news, the front page of the newspaper, or Ripley's believe it or not (yes, I am THAT big of a freak).

Why do you ask???

Because I had FOURTEEN follicles!! FOURTEEN, people! Seven in each ovary. I DO NOT want 14 babies. Would that be fourteenuplets? Very Scary.

My ovaries must have been inspired by the world cup soccer that I have been watching and thought they would have their own tournament. Can’t you picture it? Team right ovary vs. team left! Yikes!

However, I am acting as referee and pulling major red cards. There will be no shoot-out in my uterus thankyouverymuch.

Didn’t think I would be saying this for a while, but I am off to buy condoms. LOTS of them. Later.

still swinging

2006-06-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

Things I have cried over in the last week: Newspaper article mentioned above, Sex and the City rerun, various country music songs, and one of the baby birthing shows (remind me not to watch those anymore). I also went to a wedding on Sunday and forgetaboutit, I was a crying mess! Although, after reading some of the potential side effects of the drugs (i.e. PERMANENT vision damage) my sappy crying bouts were nothing.

I am done with the clomid for now and have to wait until Thursday's ultrasound to see if it worked. Cross you fingers for me!!!

I am a little worried about Thursday because they are also looking at the lining around my lovely uterine septum and if they are not happy with the way it is growing then I have to have surgery. Yuck.

SO, on Thursday we are hoping for responsive ovaries, a couple of mature follicles, and a nice comfy lining for a 9 month nap. I'll keep you posted!

Sappy

2006-06-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

Two days on the drugs and I haven't become a bitch yet (well, any more than usual). I did get a sign this morning that the drugs may be turning me into more of a sap. I was at the coffee shop with hubby and reading the newspaper when I read an article about a 98 year old women who graduated from high school. Two days ago I would have thought "you go girl" and turned the page. Today I got all teary eyed and was having all sorts of "that is just the sweetest thing I have ever heard!" thoughts. (with a "bless her heart" for good measure). I mean, it is great and all, but that is not normal for me. Should be an interesting week.

I have 3 more days on the crazy pills...stay tuned for more mood swinging :-)

FINALLY!

2006-06-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

I have the drugs!! I have the little orange bottle right here in my hand! No one can take it away from me. I even have the go-ahead from the doctor to start taking said drugs...TODAY! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooooo happy to be doing something other that tests, tests, and more tests. Ya'll, I might even have a 30 something day cycle this month. I am thrilled (an clearly I am easily amused), but I feel like this is a big step in the right direction. Look out ovaries! Your days of ruling this body are o.v.e.r. Clomid's in charge now, HA!

Hello again

2006-06-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

I did not intend to take such a long blogger break, but life has been a little crazy. Now I have graduated (Yeah!!), and finished playing tour guide to my parents who were in town. Now all I am left with is peace. Aahhh. Back to blogging. I have missed you.

Updates: AF and I are enjoying the peace. I will probably be seeing her more often so better get used to her presence. The surgery verdict is in. I have chosen to wait and see before going under the knife. If I miscarry (assuming I can get preg) then I will revisit the possibility. As of now, I have Clomid Class on Monday!! I will be diligently taking notes Monday afternoon and hopefully popping pills by Tuesday. A few days and a few ultrasounds later, I get to give myself a big shot.

Does anyone know if the rumors about Clomid are true? Will it make me a crazy woman? If you notice my blogs are moody and emotional let me know so that I can blame it on the drugs. I wonder how much BS my hubby will take from me if I blame it on the drugs? Major shopping sprees? Ice cream for dinner? Hmmm…maybe I can work this to my advantage.

Tan and Happy

2006-05-31T21:23:00.000-07:00

I LOVE vacation, especially when you REALLY need one. Lots of sunshine and beaches made me a very happy girl!!

Utero update: the "utero tour" dvd will not be playing at a blog near you. They didn't give me one, but what am I going to do with it really? Turns out I have a lovely septum that may or may not have to come out. We are still awaiting the septum verdict. The team of medical professionals has been assembled (including a NEW GYN YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and they will be deliberating until Monday. Until then, we return you to your regularly scheduled blogger broadcast.

Oh, I almost forgot - the ultrasound (and subsequently my temperatures) showed that I ovulated!! ALL BY MYSELF. I was pretty surprised, and will take all of the little victories that I can get :-) As for whether anything will come of this ovulation...I am not holding my breath, but will wait and see.

Vacation

2006-05-12T09:06:00.000-07:00

I am on vacation. I brought my ovaries and uterus along, even though they have been misbehaving. I did not bring my husband, at least for this portion of the vacation. This was the time to exploit...um, I mean visit the friends and family who live at the beach in Florida :-) Today they all actually left me and I am chillin at my bro's house by myself. I have been in and out of internet availability and will be through next week. We (my organs and I ) are enjoying the calm before the storm. When I get back to Cali we have Doctor's appointments galore and the release of the much anticipated "utero-tour" dvd. Should be very exciting!

cool stuff and good news

2006-05-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

I think I understand a little of why crazy Tom wanted an ultrasound machine. I had my first one today and saw my little polycystic ovaries up close. With all those follicles all dressed up but not enough hormones to make them go :-(
The best part was seeing my f'ed up uterus. It only looks mildly f'd up. YEAH!!! I still have to get a 3-D ultrasound to get more info (surgery/no surgery). I get a copy of the "Utero-tour" on CD to bring home. Won't that make for a great holiday gift? Maybe I'll post for all of you?

OK, I'll spare you the video, but you might still get the play by play :-)

New Docs

2006-04-25T15:16:00.000-07:00

Its official, I cut ties with the evil gyn and now have myself appointments with 2 new new docs a reproductive endocrinologist and an OB/GYN - a good one (or so I am told). I had the distinct pleasure of calling the (evil) office to cancel my upcoming appointment. "No I DO NOT want to reschedule" Ahhh, moving on from her feels good. Now because I am a new patient with my new doctor, I have to wait a month to be seen, but I am going on vacation for 2 weeks anyway (very excited about it!!!) and really there is no more rush so....whatever.

New 10 year plan - get pregnant before I turn 40. No rush. Just would like to get there eventually.

New philosophy - roll with the punches

Freak of nature

2006-04-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

yep, thats me. I got the infertility double whammy. I have a malformed uterus on top of my PCOS. Woo hoo! I did have my consult with the fertility doc today and she seemed very cool. She also gave me the name of a GYN practice that can best deal with all of my girly issues. I have to have a super fancy ultrasound to see things up close and personal and then I will know more. As of now I can still get preg it is just going to take a team of people and a LOT of time. So thanks for sticking with me and listening!

The short of it

2006-04-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

So my test on Wednesday. Lets just say that it sucked. Bordered on traumatic. I totally melted down into tears in the middle of it. I am better now and I think the results are OK. So thats a plus.

I had posted a detailed description of the day, which was up for about 10 min, before I decided that sometimes it really is too much information.

So the only slightly ironic and slightly comical part of all of it was that my 2 male doctors (yes it took 2 doctors and 2 hours to get it to work) were about my age (30ish) and H.O.T. I felt like I was on a TV show. Why couldn't they have been middle aged bald guys? It was very strange to think "if I were single I would have totally flirted with this guy at a bar" right before he explains the purpose of the stirrups . Yeah. Thanks buddy. I get it.

not-so-cuties

2006-04-17T14:15:00.000-07:00

Went shopping today for the low-carb, low-sugar, gonna- make-me-ovulate diet. I bought tofu ice cream (because there is no way I can give it up completely).

SO not the same. (sigh.)

Diets?

2006-04-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

I am just hanging out waiting for my test (next Wed), but I am trying to see if there is something I can do to help things along in the meantime. I have been reading up on the PCOS and supposedly I can help make things better by going on a low-carb diet. I have never actually been on a diet before. And getting rid of carbs??? That includes ice cream! I am not sure I can do that. I love carbs. I love bread....but I also like control. Hmmm. Could I give up ice cream for control over my ovaries??? I guess we will find out. I ordered a PCOS diet book that is supposed to tell me how to do it. Also recommended was the Zone. Anyone been on that one? Is it torture?

Now, before all you people who know me get bent out of shape...I am not planning on losing any weight. Promise. But supposedly by eating different things I can make my ovaries a little less cycstic and that sounds good to me. But no ice cream...really???

Women of the world

2006-04-09T19:31:00.000-07:00

Hubby's hard work paid off. He has been asking every female he can find if they can recommend a gyn or a fertility doc and he hit pay dirt when he asked my SIL. She is a member of a mothers group that is HUGE and has an email network. She threw a few questions out to the group and I have gotten at least 50 responses!!! Many of them went through the infertility thing and gave great advice and of course now they are in the mom's group so that gives me hope!! I love that women are so willing to share. Girls Rock.

Big Thanks

2006-04-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

Dear blogger friends,
Thank you SO much for your support and advice! I really appreciate it. It helps to know that I am not going crazy and not turning into an annoying patient (Ok, maybe just a little) but I have good reason.

I had no idea that blogging could connect me to such supportive new friends. I knew it would reconnect me to my southern Podunk girls (which has been wonderful!), but I also wanted to give a big shout-out to one belle who called her buddy that lives near me and got me some good referrals. THANKS!! I have been asking around. Even hubs has been asking around! Can you imagine? “Excuse me, my wife needs a new gynecologist. Do you have a recommendation?” I am not kidding. The man has no fear.

I also took the next step and got an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist at a fertility center. I want to see what the experts have to say. I still have to have my oh-so-fun test before the appointment but hopefully by the end of the month we can move forward a little more.

Bitch

2006-03-31T19:02:00.000-08:00

Sorry there is no other word to describe her. I had no idea that seeing a gynecologist could cause so much drama! Update from last post: the call I was supposed to get “by the end of the day” yeah. Didn’t happen. Big surprise. So I left a message on Wed (no response) and one this morning. At 2pm I still had heard nothing and was in the neighborhood so thought I would leave a written message. I also had a few questions that I didn’t want to leave on the voice mail at the call center and thought a note would be easier.
So I actually get a call back several hours later (I unfortunately missed the call…stupid cell phone coverage) and SHE is pissed at ME!!!! The message “ You have to give me time to get back to you on these things” (Uh, you said you would call Monday…its now Friday) “I know you have needs but I have things that are more pressing” (even if that is true, I don’t need to hear that). Then my personal favorite…” yes, you need X test, you have to schedule it on the first day of your period”.
I’m sorry…my what?? Have you heard a single word I have said since I walked into your office?? I came in to see you because I DON”T GET A PERIOD!!!!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I am done. I don’t care if it takes me 3 months to get an appointment with another gyn, I cannot deal with her for one more second.

I felt guilty about being such a pain…for about a second. Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. Please tell me that your providers call you back when you leave a message. Please tell me that I will be able to find someone better.

Alpha male

2006-03-27T16:05:00.000-08:00

I was forced to bring out my inner bitch (southern style of course). I went to the clinic ( without an appointment) and politely told them that I would sit and wait for my results. 2 HOURS later I actually saw someone who gave me the results ...Yeah! They were actually hubby's results. He was very excited that he passed his test with flying colors. I think I can actually see him puffing his chest and strutting around. It is quite funny.
Here is the unfortunate part. There is one more test that I might need before I can get the drugs, but it is expensive and not covered by insurance. So she is consulting with the fertility docs to see if it is something I really need. She is supposed to call me back..."by the end of the day"...yeah. right. I'll be here holding my breath.

FYI - yes, I am shopping for a new GYN

here we go again

2006-03-23T15:37:00.000-08:00

Ya'll I don't know what else to do. The clinic is holding my results hostage...again!! I have left messages...again. I even tried to get an appointment (since that seemed to work last time). Nothing until the END OF APRIL. The conversation would take all of 2 minutes. No really- 2 min. Is it door number one (clomid) or door number two (referral to endocrinologist)?? The answer is locked away in their computers. All they have to do is look at the screen and tell me which prize I win.
Instead I seem to be getting the "thank you for playing" consolation prize of being ignored. I really have been trying to avoid sitting in the lobby until they give me my results, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

2006-03-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

Now the question is...how much help do we need? Today hubby had his test and was a good sport about it. He made the mistake of telling his brother about it who promptly laughed at him. But I say, if he wants cousins for his kids he better shut up.
Now I have to play the "give me my f'ing results" game again. His results will determine which tests I have to have next. I will, of course, keep you all posted.

the verdict

2006-03-17T20:24:00.000-08:00

The results are in...I have non-classic polycystic ovarian syndrome. It means lots of things but mostly that I have to have a little help to get preggers.

friday

2006-03-15T22:19:00.000-08:00

Yet another conversation with said clinic secretary. Still no test results.
BUT
I did get an appointment for Friday :-) I am betting it gets cancelled. If it does I am bringing my tent and my laptop and will set up camp in her office. It will be a sit-in to raise awareness about the neuroses of the TTC woman. Won't that be fun?

On other topics: Today in acupuncture was strange, very strange. I had salt and herbs put in my belly button and then set on fire. Oh yeah, you read it right. Not just for needles anymore! They are breaking out the crazy stuff. All I can say is, if it gets the ovaries to work I will stand on my head and chant while lighting my belly button on fire. I am just that dedicated/insane/desperate.

Welcome little sis

2006-03-15T09:34:00.000-08:00

Hello all
I have an anouncement to make:

My little sis has joined the blogging world! She is starting a new adventure, and has to live away from her hubby for a while. She could use some online girlfriends so if you have a spare minute please check her out here.

Thanks!!