Distraction

That's the name of the game for me during this 2 week wait.
I had a west coast belle reunion on Friday. It was great to see my old friend. Now this week my brother comes to town and then I head to Podunk for a week of southern sun. I hope to catch up with more belles while I am in town! With all of that excitement, who has time to think about pregnancy????
(Me, of course) but maybe not every second of the day. The blogging may be less in the next couple of weeks, but who wants to hear me obsess about temperatues again any anyway? I think I will spare you the boredom this month, but will take all of the crossed fingers and happy thoughts that I can get. Thanks!

the early bird gets the...sperm?

I thought that since we were doing exactly the same drug this month at exactly the same dose that things would be exactly the same as they were last month. Not so much. According to today's ultrasound we had an early bird of a follicle. I wasn't expecting anything until Saturday so I told hubby that we would be "staying in" this weekend. But much to my surprise things are ready to go today! Hubs and I have had a very "romantic" week already so surprisingly we are right on track. (I know TMI, but you knew what you were getting yourself into when you started reading). I think it would be great if things worked out this month. It would be as close to natural as we are ever going to get and I would like to think our kid was concieved out of love instead of " hey you...strip!". Whatever method produces a child will work for me, but the former is a little more warm and fuzzy. Dontcha think?

Lather, rinse, repeat

That's how I feel about this cycle. We are doing exactly the same thing we did last month. (I guess I feel ok about that). The only difference so far has been my argument with the dude at the pharmacy about the size and length of the needle that I need to inject myself in the ass. Understand that my closest pharmacy is not in a nice section of town so talk of needles apparently makes people nervous. Or maybe talk of needles makes people nervous in general. Anyway after a 10 min argument over the fact that he gave me the wrong one, I gave up. I came home and double checked the prescription (which he has a copy of) and indeed he gave me the wrong one. Now, do I really want to go and ask for the bigger, longer, scarier needle that was requested or can I get away with the small one that he gave me. Hmmm. What's a girl to do?

Trying to rally

So I had my glass of wine to mourn the last cycle and rally for the next. I am guessing we are doing the same thing this cycle as last cycle, but I put a call into the doc to see if we are changing anything. Waiting to hear back from her.

I think the beginning of the cycle is almost better than the 2 week wait becuase I am DOING stuff (taking the drugs, getting ultrasounds, and of course the FUN part). So I am trying to get my attitude adjusted again to thinking that this will be a good month for us. Still working on that.

Nope. Not this time.

Nada, zip, zero...in other words, big fat negative. Big fat shocker (note sarcasm). I have decided that instead of wallowing in self pity by submerging myself knee deep in Hagen daas I will try the gym for my attitude adjustment. Although I must admit that most of the motivation for going to the gym comes from the fact that I cannot button the top button of my favorite jeans. Up until today I was hoping it was because I was preg. HA! Nope, just too fat. Hello stairmaster, you and I are going to be friends this month. If can't have a baby I AT LEAST want to look hot in my jeans!

10 DPO

That's "days-post-ovulation" for all of you non-TTCers. That means that IF there was a happy little embryo, it should have implanted by today. The fact that I do not know if there was said embryo or if it implanted is making me crazy. I have to wait at least 4 more days before I will know anything. I can't even take a test "just to see" because my HCG shot will make it show up as a false positive. So really the pee stick won't tell me anything for sure.
My body is no help either. If I had to guess, I would say that I was not preg. I feel nothing. Not one single little bit different than I do every other day. My temps have been all over the map the last couple of days. Still in the high enough range, but not getting higher. But on the bright side, I have no PMS symptoms and if I was not on the progesterone AF would be showing up tomorrow.

So basically I am totally overanalyzing all of this and only time will tell. But could it at least hurry up already???

temps with attitude

I am happy to report that my temperatures are much better now. Up and up and up. That makes me happy, happy, happy. Starting tommorrow we enter the implantation zone (assuming there was some egg+sperm action last week) which means I will be on extra high alert for any symptoms. I will of course keep you posted.

I have no physical symptoms of anything, feel totally normal. My attitude is apparently a different story. Unlike last month when I felt yucky and blue, this month I feel fine but hubby informed me this morning that I have had "attitude" lately.
What does that mean?? Can I consider it a possible pregnancy symptom? Is there such a thing as first-trimester-pregnancy-induced-attitude? Of course when AF shows up in a week or so I will have no excuse and have to find some other explination. Oh well, until then I will pretend that my "attitude" is a good thing. Every girl should have a little attitude, right?

What the temp tells

My temperatures are making me a little nervous. They are "high" compared to the rest of the month which is supposed to mean that I ovulated like I was supposed to, but they are only a teeny bit high. Just enough. I want more. I need reassurance!
The progesterone is what makes them go up and I figure my body is supposed to be making some and then I am taking extra on top of that. Don't you think that would make my temps higher than usual? I am sure that I am over analyzing but I keep waiting for my temps to creep their way up. Come on, you can do it! Higher temperatures means good things. After next week it could mean VERY good things. In the mean time, I will continue to analyze every temperature and twinge in my body, hoping for a sign. At the very least I want a sign that the ovulation was successful, and at the most...well you can guess. ( I am too nervous to even type the thought. I am afraid to get my hopes up) . I am here, waiting, hoping, waiting, hoping....

Update: My temp was ever-so-slightly higher this morning. That makes me exponentially happier.

It's all good :-)

This is my first fully functioning, appropriate timing, there is a chance (albeit slim) that I might actually get pregnant this month, cycle. Everything worked! My one follicle matured beautifully. I got an HCG shot, and we followed all medical advise for "timing". Now with the help of extra progesterone we hope for a cushy lining and we wait. Hang with me for the trying-not-to-get-my-hopes-up 2 weeks and we will see what happens. We are getting closer :-) Yeah!!!!!

Ladylike

This month, my ovaries have decided to behave like the ladies that I have tried to encourage them to be. They did what the new drugs told them to and made a cute little semi-mature follicle. And yes I said a follicle...as in one, not 14. Now I can rejoin the ranks of most other women in the world who produce one follicle a month. Slowly (very slowly) but surely we are getting closer to parenthood The ladies are learning. I am so proud.

The docs want to check up on my prize follicle on Saturday, so off to another ultrasound we will go, AND because it is on a Saturday I am making hubby come with me. It irritates me that he has yet to see the inside of a clinic since the beginning of all of this TTC stuff. So I made it perfectly clear that this weekend there would be no golf/soccer/bike rides/etc and that he will be staring at fuzzy black and white pictures of my ovaries. Boy was he excited.

Thanks for the good thoughts and crossed fingers. Keep them crossed, we still need ovulation but things are looking good! I think we may have found our drug of choice. I have not had the crazy emotional side effects that the clomid gave me. I feel like myself again (which means still crazy...but in a good way :-)

Until Saturday!

Ouch!

In the name of "I'll try anything once" and my upcoming wedding anniversary I decided to get a bikini wax. I have never had anything waxed before (no, not even my eyebrows). Since I was being adventurous, I opted for a more exotic version. All I can say is OUCH! What was I thinking??? Of course, since I had undergone all of that pain in the name of love for my hubby (and since I was already at the spa) I decided that his anniversary gift to me would a nice, relaxing, facial. I felt much better after that. Thanks honey.

I realize that this is more information than you probably care to know about me, but I offer this as a warning to those potentially contemplating this little procedure. I am down with the waxing but I advise sticking to the more conservative American version.

On the fertility front: I have another ultrasound on Wed. and I wonder if I will get a raised eyebrow from my doc when she sees the new "do". We shall see! We shall also see if the new drugs are working (but not too well). So far so good. I have not been crying at commercials, but both my TV and my computer are currently broken. (I am coming to you from hubby's computer). Not sure how much blogging will be done in the near future, but I will try and pop in.

Another Round!

Oh how I wish that meant "another round ...of alcoholic drinks" but alas, I am referring to another round of fertility fun. AF showed up right on time and I put in my obligatory call to the fertility doc. New drugs in a few days (beware of more insanity) ultrasound a week later.
I must admit, I am tired of doing all the "right" things to make this happen. This month I want to hike to a mountain top, have potfulls of coffee, and go out partying all night while drinking lots of wine! Will I do all of these things?? No. I will drink my green tea on the drive from my acupunturist to my yoga class. I will go to bed at 9pm and there will be no partying. I am lame, and obsessed with all of this and would feel completely guilty if I did anything that could jeopardize this cycle. Of course, if this cycle works, I get to pat myself on the back and say that it was all because I was in tune with my body and followed all of the directions. (I would skip the part about the powerful drugs and close monitoring by medical professionals) Nope, if this cycle (or one in the future) is successful I am taking ALL of the credit. Well, I guess I could give hubby a little credit too...but just a little :-) Hopefully this will be our month!

P.S. The ovulation counter above is actually (shockingly and coincidentally) on the right day!!

The funky fourth

This weekend was quite an adventure. Hubby and I went to the wedding of 2 Iron Man Triathletes. There was a not-so-mini triathalon, major hike, a soccer/football game (he is English), oh and dancing in high heels (which totally counts as an athletic event, btw). You would think that with all of that exercise, outdoor activity, and lovey sentimental stuff I would have been in a great mood. But no, it appears that I am no longer in charge of my mood, and it no longer needs rhyme or reason to go sour. I admit, I am prone to being in the occasional funk. It often coincides with crappy weather, but this time there was no explanation. I think it may have had a little to do with the multitude of children and big preggy bellies, at the wedding. These are my friends so I love playing with the kids and am thrilled for the preggy ones, but I guess I felt left out. Hubby and I were the only 2 non-newlyweds that didn’t have kids or one on the way. It was a bummer.

I guess my previous pity party turned into a low grade funk, but I feel like I am coming out of it now. I had much alcohol at the wedding. Hubby could tell I was in a funk and valiantly offered be the sober driver home from the wedding (even though the couple were more his friends than mine). That’s true love for ya.

On the upside I should get a visit from AF soon and we can start another round. Stay tuned.

Better now

The swelling seems to have gone down, my temperature is up, and I gave myself a time-out for my childish behavior. I am feeling more adult now. I am afraid to be hopeful that this temp increase might mean that I ovulated on my own. I will have to wait a few more days to find out. Until then...

FYI

When your ovaries are the size of lemons it makes you feel fat.
Ugh. The buttons on my pants are not happy.

The doctor said: clomid + me = not good. So we have to try something new. The problem, well its not really a problem (except for my phyche) is that I have to WAIT. I hate waiting. Especially when the thing I have to wait for is my stupid ovaries. We all know how reliable they are. I have to wait and see if I ovulate on my own (yeah, right) for the next 3 weeks. If not, then another ultrasound and provera to start a new cycle. The starting the new cycle is a good thing but 3 weeks + 2 weeks of taking the pills + a week of waiting for my period to start after stopping the pills puts me well into August before we can try something new.

I am trying to be positive. I am trying not to be an impatient whiney brat, but I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN NOW!!!! Ok, so I am not trying very hard, but I am in self pity mode. Waa.

Now what?

I dunno. I talk to my doc again on Tuesday and I think we wait for this overzealous cycle to wear itself out and start again next month. With a different drug.

However, The fact that my ovaries seem to be up to the challenge is a very good sign!

Down Girls!

Ya'll are not going to believe this one. Yesterday I was hoping and praying that the clomid worked and that I would have a couple of follicles with egg-potential. Yeah...be careful what you wish for.

I was very very close to being on the evening news, the front page of the newspaper, or Ripley's believe it or not (yes, I am THAT big of a freak).

Why do you ask???

Because I had FOURTEEN follicles!! FOURTEEN, people! Seven in each ovary. I DO NOT want 14 babies. Would that be fourteenuplets? Very Scary.

My ovaries must have been inspired by the world cup soccer that I have been watching and thought they would have their own tournament. Can’t you picture it? Team right ovary vs. team left! Yikes!

However, I am acting as referee and pulling major red cards. There will be no shoot-out in my uterus thankyouverymuch.

Didn’t think I would be saying this for a while, but I am off to buy condoms. LOTS of them. Later.

still swinging

Things I have cried over in the last week: Newspaper article mentioned above, Sex and the City rerun, various country music songs, and one of the baby birthing shows (remind me not to watch those anymore). I also went to a wedding on Sunday and forgetaboutit, I was a crying mess! Although, after reading some of the potential side effects of the drugs (i.e. PERMANENT vision damage) my sappy crying bouts were nothing.

I am done with the clomid for now and have to wait until Thursday's ultrasound to see if it worked. Cross you fingers for me!!!

I am a little worried about Thursday because they are also looking at the lining around my lovely uterine septum and if they are not happy with the way it is growing then I have to have surgery. Yuck.

SO, on Thursday we are hoping for responsive ovaries, a couple of mature follicles, and a nice comfy lining for a 9 month nap. I'll keep you posted!

Sappy

Two days on the drugs and I haven't become a bitch yet (well, any more than usual). I did get a sign this morning that the drugs may be turning me into more of a sap. I was at the coffee shop with hubby and reading the newspaper when I read an article about a 98 year old women who graduated from high school. Two days ago I would have thought "you go girl" and turned the page. Today I got all teary eyed and was having all sorts of "that is just the sweetest thing I have ever heard!" thoughts. (with a "bless her heart" for good measure). I mean, it is great and all, but that is not normal for me. Should be an interesting week.

I have 3 more days on the crazy pills...stay tuned for more mood swinging :-)

FINALLY!

I have the drugs!! I have the little orange bottle right here in my hand! No one can take it away from me. I even have the go-ahead from the doctor to start taking said drugs...TODAY! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooooo happy to be doing something other that tests, tests, and more tests. Ya'll, I might even have a 30 something day cycle this month. I am thrilled (an clearly I am easily amused), but I feel like this is a big step in the right direction. Look out ovaries! Your days of ruling this body are o.v.e.r. Clomid's in charge now, HA!