And the winner is??

The suspense is killing me. This morning I waved goodbye to a significant amount of blood and sent it on its merry way to the lab (to see what the problem with my cycle is). Now I just have to sit and wait for the results. Looks like it will be about a week+. I think this TTC thing is supposed to teach you patience because I feel like waiting is all I do.
Wait for the birth control to get out of your system (I heard lots of "it takes time") Yeah. Not 8 months.
Then there is the wait for ovulation, which in my case, could take millennia.
Then the worst is the dreaded tww (two week wait) with all of the "what if" going on. tourture.

With all of this training I am going to be a rock star at waiting out temper tantrums, or being patient with homework, I might even learn to cut my hubby some slack. See, I will be a good mommy. All I have to do is wait...

Dopey

Can the preggy/mommy brain thing happen before you actually concieve? Maybe it is a side effect of my blonde hair color or something, but I have somehow screwed up taking my meds. DUH. You would think that this would not happen considering that I have professional training on medications and am slightly obsessive about all of this TTC stuff, but alas when I checked my chart to record my temp today I am suppoed to have 3 more pills to take. Yeah, there are only 2 left in the container. What on earth did I do? I counted them when I filled the prescription and they were all there. My big hope is that I did not take 2 in one day. Oops! I am trying to make the hormone imbalence better, not worse! Maybe down the sink, on the floor, who knows??? This does not bode well for the future forgetfullness to come. Sorry my friends, if I forget about you it was not intentional I am just slowly losing my mind.


***Update: No lost pill, just a lost mind and an inability to count

The Irony

I am happy to report that the side effects are subsiding. Even if acupunture isn't enough to jump start my ovaries, it does helpto clear up my skin and put me in a good mood. That makes it worth my dime.

The irony I am experienceing is that I am working on a project in which I have to research family planning care of women...that means mostly "how NOT to get pregnant". So I am spending my days knee deep in birth control methods yet I think...I have got the how NOT to get pregnant thing pretty much figured out. It is the how TO get pregnant part that I am having trouble with. I guess I have got the how-to part of it figured out too. I mean I understand the physiology. My brain knows what to do, but my body is a "slow learner" I think clomid will make a great tutor :-)

It figures

Drugs are good but they do bring their little friends - side effects. I knew they were coming, but I am not sure how they are going to help my cause. The acne has arrived, whoo hoo! I had acne as a teenager, I did my time, but it is back for another round. As for the mood swings, I feel a little cranky but hubby might tell a different story. I hope its not too bad.
My big question is, how is a face full of zits and a bad mood supposed make hubby want to to be in the same room with me much less the same bed?

drumroll please...

I took the mandatory test this morning and OF COURSE it was negative. duh. I could have told the NP that there was no way I was preg but she had to cover her you-know-what. Fine with me. Today is day number one of the drugs, 11 more to go. Fun with hormones! I hope that they don't induce too much mood swinging or a revival of more teenage acne. Don't worry, I will keep you posted whether you like it or not!!

Chocolates, roses, drugs

No lovey presents for me this Valentines day. I get a preg test and some progesterone. whoo hoo! I have been avoiding the hubby for the last 2 weeks (doctor's orders) and have to take a preg test tomorrow just to make sure. I can tell you that answer right now, but I will take the test for kicks. Then we move on to the drugs. 2 weeks of progesterone that will supposedly invite aunt flo back into my life. Come on back! I have been taking the ovulation tests "just in case" my body decides to wake up on its own, but I think it is in a holding pattern. I get the 2 lines (still) but no surge. Of course, today was a little darker but still not a positive. I am not sure what is going on there, but the ovaries have 2 days to wake up or I am going to drug them and hope that they can rally for next cycle.
Stay tuned for more posts full of TMI. :-)

Stress?

So the other thing the NP said at my visit is that this could possibly be caused by stress. I think maybe there is some truth to this, and people keep telling me this (which is not that helpful). Hubby's advice was "stop stressing out about stuff" (REALLY not helpful). So I have been trying to figure out if I believe this is true and how much I can realistically do about it.

I am in grad school but have 1 class and can do the rest of my work from home, in my PJ's like I am now. I have a job but only work max 10 hours a week, and don't have any other life stuff to stress about. Everyone is happy and healthy. That combined with the fact that I took off 3 weeks over the holidays (no school, no work, no nothing) and still have f'ed up cycles tells me that either this is not ALL stress realated or I am going to have sit on my butt and do nothing in order to get pg. I think that would cause a different kind of mental strain- aka-boredom.

I am graduating soon and supposed to be looking for a job but I go through this daily argument with myself "this Pg thing could take a while and I have some great opportunities presenting themselves. so I should get a job" OR " I should focus on this pg thing, eliminate stress, keep my very part time job and not get a full time job". I am not sure I am capable of this! I LIKE being really busy. I am also having trouble with the "housewife" designation, mostly guilt about not contributing to the household. I feel like I should be DOING something. FYI - I am TOTALLY OK with the stay-at-home-mom designation, but what am I supposed to do in the meantime??

Can you tell I am struggling with this issue?

Thanks for listening.

The verdict

I now remember why most women are not excited to go to the GYN, but we did make a little progress. Gettin' some tests done but I have to get blood drawn on day 3 of my cycle which could be, um, next week, next month, next year? Who freaking knows. She wanted me to wait until I got there on my own, but I brought out the "don't-give-me-that-BS-I-know-you-got-drugs-for-that" look, and so she gave the drugs. I am a happy girl! I have wait 2 weeks before I can take them, 2 weeks before they work, then I get the tests done and probably have to wait another 2 weeks for the results. In the meantime this could be a rather boring blog. Sorry.
Let's get this party started!

aarrrgggh

OK who gave my Doc the germs that made her sick?
I have been rescheduled! I made the appointment 3 months ago, and I am ready already!
Now I have to wait until Wed to see if we can make some baby-making progress.

Hi ho, hi ho

It's off to the doctor I go! I am armed with 7 months of charts that prove that my ovaries suck. Somehow I feel like I am going to have to defend the fact that I need drugs to jump start this process. It think it is because when I went in for my last GYN visit and told them I was planning to get preg, the only counseling I got was "take a vitamin". Oh hell no.
If the doc tomorrow says that to me, I am shoving the speculum up her nose.

I will let you know how that works out.

Calling for backup

I knew it was too much to ask to start the year off with a normal cycle. I am on day 33 and no egg yet. I have run out of ovulation predictor tests and can't bring myself to buy more at this point. I have a Dr's appointment next Monday and am actually excited about it. I am sure that I am the only woman on the planet who is actually excited to go to the GYN, but I am hoping she can help jump start this baby making process. I have been good for 7 months, followed all the rules, tried eastern medicine and now I am calling for reinforcements! Bring on the Western meds! I am cool with blood tests and am in support of pharmaceuticals. We shall see what the doc has to say.

very tricky...

Every women knows the rule of a pregnancy test from the time she starts having sex, right?
One line = negative
Two lines = positve

So when it comes to an ovulation predictor test you would think that the same rules apply, right? Wrong!

I am on day 20 something and hoping that all the vacation and relaxation would help me get into a normal cycle, so I took an ovulation prediction test to see if maybe it was coming sometime soon. I was SO excited that I got 2 lines! Now, one was light and the control was dark, but at this point I will take what I can get. I was super happy all day, thinking this was going to be a good month.

The next day, I read the instructions...
There are always 2 lines. A faint line= negative, a dark line= positve. HUH?
I know I should have read the directions before, but who is mean enough to do that to a woman. I know the rules! You do not mess with a TTC woman and show her 2 lines unless you mean "positive".

I bet that test was designed by a man.

The real story...

Vacation was GREAT!!! I had the best time sailing around an island paradise and pretending I was 21 again. I will post pics and the censored version of the story on Married Life, but there is more to the story.
Tequila is bad, very bad. It made me do things like jump off a pirate ship/bar. Doesn't sounds so bad, right? Well..... you got a t-shirt if you jumped off sans-swimsuit. I won't say whether or not I brought home a t-shirt, but let me just say again that tequila is VERY BAD.

There was also the crazy New Years party that also featutred Mr Cuervo. There was no jumping off of structures, but we had a fun time!

There was lots of fish viewing, sunbathing, and beach combing in between the alcohol induced evenings. If the method of celebrating the New Year is any indication of the year to come, 2006 is going to be a VERY, VERY good one!!

Merry Christmas

We had a merry and mellow holiday. I am leaving podunk in the morning and am happy that I got to see the belles, but sad that it was only once and some didn't get to meet the hubby. There was much family time and my cell phone died (sorry if you tried to call). I also feel in the dark because JLD blocks addresses from podunk, raybelle is redecorating, and tarbelle is MIA. I will be out of blogging range for the next week, but am looking forward to having my cyber world back.

Happy New Year All!

Back to square one

Or make that cycle day 1. Yes, after almost 100 days on vacation AF has returned. I am happy to see something remotely normal going on and excited to get this on with another month of trying. I am changing my holiday wish though, now I want a 28 day cycle. Please. I will settle for 30 something but this 90+ day stuff is going to make me crazy. Nope, 28 is my new lucky number. It is my Christmas wish and my New Years resolution. I am going to will myself into a normal cycle WITH ovulation. It is written in my womanly contract that I am entitled to it. Maybe I will press charges against my body if it steps outside the 30 day range again. JLD you think I can sue?

holiday updates

Since I have ovulated and am still waiting for AF I have nothing to whine about. So I will whine about the fact that I am upset with the weather man/woman. When I checked before I left my house this morning (to holiday shop of course) there was no sign of rain and they said it might rain tommorrow. OR as soon as I come out of the first store I get drenched by pouring down rain! I was totally unprepared! Wrong jacket, wrong shoes, no umbrella. The shopping had to go on so I was very wet, cold and cranky most of today.
Now I am trying to thaw out and am using the rain as an excuse for my lame present buying. Sorry family, Santa was too soggy to shop!

The big O

The temperatures don't lie. I am back on the ovulation track! Now I get to spend the next 2 weeks in the "am I "?? "Maybe"??? limbo.

We shall see if this will be a Christmas miracle.

Progress!

I ovulated! (I think) Even if I didn't, things are changing more than they have in the last 80+ days so thats a start.

Now the odds of this (supposed) ovulation resulting in pregnancy are pretty slim. I think there is typically a 25% chance each cycle, but because I had no clue when I might ovulate there was no strategic timing involved. So I am putting my chances at 15ish.

Ironically, the day I would do a preg test (assuming AF didn't show up) would be Christmas Day. Now If that test turns out to be positive I will believe in Santa!

TTC top 10 List

The top 10 benefits to not being pregnant (or ovulating....still):
1. Drinking at Holiday parties! It stops all of the "is she pregnant, but not telling" pondering. My answer to all of that is "CHEERS"!!
2. New clothes. Although I would rather be buying maternity clothes, hubby (my fashion consultant) took me shopping for my Christmas/Hanukkah present!
3. Not looking fat in my bikini. We are headed someplace tropical for New Years and though I have put on more than a few pounds (just for you JLD!) I hope to still be looking good.
4. My relaxation prescription. Now that school is over I have an excuse to watch TV and take long baths. "They" say that stress effects ovulation, so I will try and steer clear of that stuff.
5. Not having a period for 80 days. I am not happy about the reason, but it is still nice to not have to worry about it.
6. I think 2006 is a good baby year. 2005 apparently was not my year, but look out next year!!
7. More time to travel. I am a big fan. We did our big trip this summer thinking it might be our last for a while, but no preggy means more adventures!
8. Time with hubby. I know this should be at the top of the list, and I love him but we have been together 5 years. We already spend alot of time togther and are both ready for a new addition.
9. "Practice". It would be more fun if I were ovulating and it could be considered "trying" but at least there is no pressure.
10. Sushi, brie, and all the yummy foods that I love and would have to give up if I were preg.

Now, I would HAPPILY give up all of the above to be preg, but in the meantime I am livin' it up!

Holidays Here I Come!

I'm finished with school for the quarter. Woohoo!! I never thought this quarter would end. It was evil and ugly. I just hope my grades are not quite so evil and ugly. I already know that they won't be pretty, but one of the joys of grad-school is that I don't really care! (ok, I care a little) but not today! Today is celebration time. Hmmm what shall I do first?? I have a spa certificate from my MIL :-) Now that is my kinda gift. She could give me a spa gift certificate for every gift-giving holiday from now until forever and I think I would be the happiest DIL on the planet.
I am relaxing just thinking about it. I have that, and much holiday shopping to do. I think I figured out what I am going to get hubby (he he, I am such a bad wife). Check it out here.