Holiday distractions

The holidays have been keeping me busy. I find that is a blessing and a curse. I love the distraction, but there are some holiday moments that make me long to be a mom. Watching my niece open her gifts (we had Hanukkah celebration on Sat), little girls with cute dresses and mary jane shoes at the nutcracker performance, and baking cookies. I think its hard because last year during the holidays we had been trying for 6months and I thought FOR SURE we would be pregnant before this Christmas and now I am wondering how many more holiday seasons it will be before we get there. I am hopeful that we will get there in this next year, but that's what I said last year.
As for the progress. I talked to the doc about the surgery and have to have an MRI in January. It looks like there will be another couple of cycles before the surgery happens. Hopefully one of them will be THE cycle and I can avoid the knife altogether. I am hoping 2007 will be a lucky one.

Messing with me

I am trying to get over my post negative blues and making progress and then AF has to go and mess with me. She showed up a day late and for a whole 24 hours I actually thought the test might have been wrong and got my hopes all up and stuff. Well she has arrived to crush those hopes yet again and also her tardiness messed up timing for IUI this month. Thanks bunches Flo.

Do over

It was yet another negative test result day. Apparently vacation relaxation was not helpful enough and there will be no Christmas baby miracles here. Now I have to call my doc and talk about surgery and IVF. Merry Christmas to me.

I am also out of ice cream.

Is it tomorrow yet?

Dread

I am wrapped in a sense of dread and impending doom. The time for testing is rapidly approaching and I want nothing to do with it. I want to hold on to my shred of hope that this month will be different. But alas the pee sticks must come out and I am afraid they will report the same bad news. I attempted a preemptive strike on the sadness by consuming an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's (phish food this time) but it just brought on the nausea that I was hoping to feel for a different reason. I fear that I might run out of ice cream flavors before I get the news I want.
Well, another day, another spoonful. I will keep you posted.

The name game

Vacation is great, but I have been trying to wade throughout the pile of mail and other stuff to do and have not have enough time to blog. So sorry.

Anyway, not much new on the TTC front. Still waiting. I ditched the ticker because I could never get it show the right day. But I can continue to tell you about my SIL TTC saga. There is a little (big) back story that would take too long to type but I will give you the highlights. So basically in addition TTC (yes, they know we have been trying) my BIL and SIL are threatening to steal our favorite potential girl name. Now I KNOW my worrying about this sounds stupid and petty and I realize that it kind of is, but if you knew the whole back story it would make much more sense. Anyway, when they were preg last time they asked for advice on what to name the baby and we asked them to please not name her X (our chosen name) because it was the only name that hubby and I could agree on. It was not in their top choices at the time so we didn't think it would be a big deal. Well they got all offended and said that they loved the name and might use it. Ok fine. We just thought we would ask, and they ended up using another name . No big deal UNTIL...
There was a dinner conversation on our vacation (I promptly left the table upon its beginning) and they were talking about TTC and how if they have a girl they have 2 names left from their top 3 and now my SIL doesn't like one of the other names so they think they would pick X (the name that this whole back story and argument was about).Seriously? They had to have known that this would be like rubbing salt in a wound for me, right?? It is not about the name really, but I feel like that was downright mean to talk about. She is not my favorite person right now.

SO, because I realize that this whole argument is completely stupid, I broke out the baby name book last night (yes, I have a baby name book). Hubby bought it for me when we started trying and it has been deeply buried in a drawer ever since. We went in search of a new name that we could agree on so that we could let go of the other one and so that I can not be upset when my BIL & SIL get preg before us, have a girl, and name her X. (OK I will still be upset, but I might be able to avoid unnecessary violence).

Wow, there are a lot of girls names out there and some are doozies. Yikes! I am very thankful to my parents that they spared me from the fate of some of the ones I read. We don't have any winners yet but I felt better that we found some new possibilities. I also know that all this is a little premature, but it part of the hopefull phase that I am in at the moment. One more week until we know whether or not we can put these names to good use.

Home again

Wow that was good vacation! I now have to deal with the post-vacation pile of things to do, but it was totally worth it.
On the TTC front. I (tried) not to think about it too much. We gave our best ovulation time effort and now we are waiting again. The trying not to think about it was complicated by my SIL announcing that they were also TTC again. oh joy (insert sarcasm here). So I tried not to be too paranoid about the future pregnancy announcement and the fact that it very well might come before mine. Tried being the operative word here. I also got lots of time to play with my beautiful niece. I LOVE being with her, but I must admit it does remind me of how much I want a little one of my own to play dress up with. Ahhh someday.
(hopefully before my SIL!!)

Cycle day

something or other. I am on vacation starting in five, four, three, two, one (days that is). I still have one more week, but then it is sunshine and not-so-sandy beaches! Yeah!
I do have to keep better track of my cycle this month since I am on my own but I am not stressing about it. I refuse.
When I get back, I plan to torture my husband. I am dragging him to a meditation workshop (given by my fertility clinic) and WE are joining a support group. He is being a good sport, but is just oozing reluctance. Sorry hubs, I think it help keep me sane in the long run. Don't we all want that?

Censoring my netflix

I will have to take a closer look at what movies are waiting in my queue. Last night I was an unsuspecting victim. I was subjected to a movie about a husband cheating on his infertile wife and getting his mistress pregnant. Evil Movie!!!
I have no idea what happened next. That was as much plot as I could handle. I think there should be additions to the movie rating system. How about "I" for infertility content, or maybe a scarlet "A" would be more appropriate. I will be sure to screen my movies more closely in the future.

Bouncing back

Thanks for coming to my pity party yesterday. You know I always serve the best ice cream. Thanks for sharing it with me :-)
I guess I got all of the sad and moping out yesterday because today I feel surprisingly good. Go figure. Anyway, this next month is low pressure and low expectation. We are doing things the old fashioned way (well, sort of) I still have to drug my cycle into submission, but we will be on vacation during the ultrasound/IUI portion of the month so we are on our own. No doctors, no monitoring (guess they are confident that my 14 follicle days are over) and no expectations. I figure if last month with 2 follicles and IUI didn't work that the old fashioned way is not going to cut it. So I plan to enjoy my vacation (did I mention that it was tropical!?! :-), maybe have a few well timed romantic evenings and see what happens.
If this doesn't work, my body has December to get in line or we are going under the knife. I have decided to have surgery to get rid of my uterine septum and then maybe move on to IVF.

You hear that, body? You have until January 1 or drastic measures will be taken. You have been warned.

Negative

Again.

Breakfast: Ben & Jerry's Organic Cookies & Cream

To be or not to be?

Just in case the suspense was killing you as much as it is me, I thought that I would give you an update. The last few days I have had a disappointing lack of symptoms. Plenty of energy, no nausea, no nothin. WTF?? What happened to my general malaise? I want it back! I was SURE something was happening in there. What happened??
I never thought that feeling fabulous would suck so bad. I WANT to feel crappy (as long as it is for good reason). Ugh.
The official test is tomorrow, I hope that I am pleasantly surprised, but I am feeling perfectly fine and totally unpregnant.

Maybe?

I will know nothing until Tuesday, but either I am
1. getting a cold
2. manifesting psychosomatic symptoms
3. possibly pregnant

I have had an underlying tired/not felling great all week. I actually had to take a nap the other day. I have felt the occasional twinge (although this has happened before and I still got a BFN) and, as I type I am feeling a teeny bit queasy (but this is not all that unusual for me either). Until there is a blue line or actual toilet-hugging I will not be convinced.

We will have to wait and see, but I also must confess that my hopes are WAY high this month. If I do end up with a negative I am going to need some serious stay-in-bed-and-eat-ice-cream-all-day therapy, and maybe some more of those great cyber hugs from ya'll.

Fertility camp!

I spent my whole Saturday at fertility camp. There was no bug juice or campfire songs but there were different cabins. There were the newbies who went to lectures on how to have a baby naturally. Ha! We are way past natural and were team 2 or the ART crew. Our day was filled with IVF talk and my all time favorite "time is running out" speech. Thanks. The other groups were "3rd party"- or sperm/egg donors. I am not ready for that yet. Then there was the adoption crew. I was hoping to catch a class or 2 of theirs, but hubby is still phobic. That , and we had enough info of our own to deal with.
I must say that I learned a ton. I thought that the internet was a good place to gather info, but when you gather 20-30 reproductive edocrinologists (among others) you can learn a lot. The best part was wacthing hubbys face. In the morning he was panicked and thinking we were going to fast. At the end of the day, he was ready to call the docs and start IVF next month. It was quite amazing.
I am hoping that we won't have to go there.
Although it was informative, I think making smores by a campfire would have been more fun.

Double the fun!

I had yet another ultrasound this morning and am happy to report not one but 2 happy little follicles ready and waiting. I am happy because we have double the chances (well probably not statistically, but in my head we do). I am also happy because we are doing IUI this month (intrauterine insemination) which means there is one less variable in the equation. Yeah!
I am leaving the conception totally up to the medical professionals this month and am enjoying my (less) pressure existence. I also gave up charting. Yep, I have absolutely no idea what my temperature is and I don't care. All I have to know is what day to take the preggy test.
I am just kicking back and reading the Anne Lamott books that you all suggested. I can feel the stress decreasing with every page. Thanks.

Bandwagon

I am jumping on the infertility bandwagon! I joined Resolve (the national infertility org). I have been putting it off thinking "oh, I will get pregnant this month so what's the point?" Well, the point is that sometimes a girl needs some support (although I must say you blogger friends have been fabulous).
I am a team player. I spent my life in a (semi) team sport and am missing my teammates. So I am have decided to join "Team Infertility" (aka this resolve group). GO TEAM! I am hoping with hard work I will make the varsity squad (aka Team Preggers) and then maybe, just maybe go pro with Team Mommy.
I am jumping in with both feet. I signed up for membership, signed hubby and I up for an all day symposium next weekend, and called to join a support group. I am SURE that we will get pregnant this month, but I am covering all my bases and preparing for the long haul just in case. I will fill you in on what happens at all the preggy pep rallies, and who is sucking face behind the bleachers at the games (that would be ME because babies don't come from the stork ya know). Should be good times!

This month will be different

To celebrate yet another negative result hubby bought me roses and took me out to the super fancy sushi restaurant. He is a good man who is a quick learner when it comes to keeping his crazy TTC wife happy. Yes, yesterday sucked (until the roses and dinner part) but my body and I had a little pow-wow. We talked, and decided that this is it. This is the month. I promise to keep up my end of the bargain with the healthy activities and it promises to carry a baby for nine months. That's the deal. I have moved past optimism, and protective pessimism and on to demanding what I want. There will be no more wishing and hoping and all that touchy feely crap anymore. This is it. There will be a baby this month. You hear that body....I am not even close to kidding!

shout out

I would like to give a BIG shoutout to Raybelle who is getting married this weekend!!!! Congrats to you and Beach Boy! I hope you have a wonderful time on your special day!

Liberating actually

Feeling a little bit better today. Thanks so much for all the hugs! They are just as good as the in-person kind. Hubby and I had a chat about the whole thing and he was understanding (of course) so that made me feel much better. He is trying to do little things like remove the abundance of alcohol we have in our house (we have had people over to the house quite a few times in the last couple of weeks). Everyone brings wine (which is very nice) and we had bought a bunch of beer for a BBQ and no one drank it so alcohol was literally taking over my fridge. Seriously, I could barely fit in the milk.
I have also found a silver lining in the whole TTC burnout thing. I actually think about other things during the day. My brain has shut down to the babymaking thoughts and I can think about....Whatever else. I block it out so much that I almost forgot to take my drugs the other night. I am liking the new found brain freedom.
I will keep trying to get out of this funk. Anyone have any favorite books, quotes, songs, or other means of inspiration? I need a new perspective.

SO over it

Optimism lost. The bad attitude has continued into this month's two week wait. I am over this whole TTC thing. It is not fun anymore. OK, it stopped being fun fun a long time ago, but I think I have almost reached a breaking point. I want to be done. One way or another. I am SO over feeling like this is all on me and all Hubby has to do is...ya know. I am SO over these drugs taking over my emotions and acting like crazy lunatic lady. I am way over the fact that the drugs are also causing me to pack on the pounds... The scale, Idon'twanttotalkaboutit. I am SO over the not drinking alcohol or coffee and (trying) to stay away from the ice cream. I am so over analyzing every move that I make and wondering if I am sabotaging my efforts. SO over it!!!!
The docs, my friends, and my hubby are all giving me the " It has only been 2 months since the drugs are working properly, so consider this the beginning". Beginning my ass. My psyche has been dealing with this for 14 months and it needs a break or it is going to break. I will not be much of a mom if I am huddled in a corner of a psych ward mumbling to myself. I am over ALL of it.

I am considering taking a break. Hopefully this month will work and I won't have to worry anymore, but if not, I am going to reevaluate the situation. This path is no longer working for me.

My security blanket

I love my weekly acupuncture appointment. I started going for fertility stuff, but have found it to help lots of other things as well. I also love my acupuncture too, but she is going on vacation for a month! How dare she have a life! How can she abandon me in my month of need? She has a sub, but he is not nearly as good. I guess I will have to rely on my body to pull through this month on its own (normally I would insert negative sarcastic remark here, but I am trying to be hopeful) I have an ultrasound on Saturday and will be hoping that there is something to report.

Since I am trying out the whole optimistic thing, I am hopeful that this will be a good month.

A pattern

I am noticing a pattern for my monthly TTC adventures. They begin with disappointment that the last cycle didn't work and I have to slowly work my attitude back into something that resembles optimism. That's the stage I am in currently. My hubby reminded me this morning that we have only had good chances for 2 months, and then reminded me that the stats say it can take up to a year. Yeah. Thanks hubs. The thought of this for another year makes me want to run screaming to the nearest padded room.
I am working on the next stage when the drug taking and "timing" come into play. I usually come around and am and optimistic that it could possibly happen. Then the 2 week wait when I think it might actually be happening and I get really hopeful. Then comes the testing and ...and either disappointment or may elation? Hopefully sooner than a year from now.

My goal for this month is to really try and work on the attitude. I need a new mantra. I am not sure the "I'm good enough, smart enough, and gosh darnit people like me" is going to cut it :-)

no need to shout

AF showed up at 4am this morning and she was pissed. She simply laughed at the tylenol that I threw at her. I am usually the lucky girl with no symptoms that accompany her visits. Clearly those days are over. I was already unhappy about the fact that she was coming, and this month she thought it would be funny to rub it in. I am not finding it funny at all.

My glass is half full...

of Merlot, and my plate is half full of sushi. You can all guess what that means...another big fat negative. Thankfully, two of my wonderful, beautiful, supportive Belles were at dinner with me last night and through lots of girl talk and gossip helped me to remember that a glass half full of good red wine is not such a bad thing, even when you have a uterus that is more than half empty. I love you guys. Thanks bunches.

Hope for the best...

and prepare for the BFN. My brother's visit was a great distraction, but now I have 2 days to obsess before heading to Podunk. Let me tell you that suppressing the obsession only makes it come back full force when you let down your guard.
Things I have been obsessing about:
1. There have been definite twinges this month. Can't describe them, and have no idea what they mean (maybe bad tacos, maybe a baby)
2. I am particularly sensitive at the moment. I was ready to cry last night because my souffle exploded all over my oven (mostly because now I have to clean the oven, which I hate) and this morning watching the news. There was some sad stuff, but jeez, are tears really necessary?
3. I am also playing a (sick, twisted, crazy making) little game with my leftover cheap ovulation predictor strips. I heard from a fellow blogger that they could be used as preg tests so I have tried that the last 2 days. I get 2 lines (yeah!) but do you know what that means???? SQUAT! I know that I have HCG in my system. I put it there with a large injection into my boo-tay. I know that I am not supposed to test until day 14 (next week) but I looooooove seeing those beautiful double lines. I am now trying to decide if they are getting darker or lighter. I could use an actual pregnancy test but I am too big of a chicken (besides they are much more expensive) so sadly for a real result we will all have to wait until next week. Waiting sucks.

Distraction

That's the name of the game for me during this 2 week wait.
I had a west coast belle reunion on Friday. It was great to see my old friend. Now this week my brother comes to town and then I head to Podunk for a week of southern sun. I hope to catch up with more belles while I am in town! With all of that excitement, who has time to think about pregnancy????
(Me, of course) but maybe not every second of the day. The blogging may be less in the next couple of weeks, but who wants to hear me obsess about temperatues again any anyway? I think I will spare you the boredom this month, but will take all of the crossed fingers and happy thoughts that I can get. Thanks!

the early bird gets the...sperm?

I thought that since we were doing exactly the same drug this month at exactly the same dose that things would be exactly the same as they were last month. Not so much. According to today's ultrasound we had an early bird of a follicle. I wasn't expecting anything until Saturday so I told hubby that we would be "staying in" this weekend. But much to my surprise things are ready to go today! Hubs and I have had a very "romantic" week already so surprisingly we are right on track. (I know TMI, but you knew what you were getting yourself into when you started reading). I think it would be great if things worked out this month. It would be as close to natural as we are ever going to get and I would like to think our kid was concieved out of love instead of " hey you...strip!". Whatever method produces a child will work for me, but the former is a little more warm and fuzzy. Dontcha think?

Lather, rinse, repeat

That's how I feel about this cycle. We are doing exactly the same thing we did last month. (I guess I feel ok about that). The only difference so far has been my argument with the dude at the pharmacy about the size and length of the needle that I need to inject myself in the ass. Understand that my closest pharmacy is not in a nice section of town so talk of needles apparently makes people nervous. Or maybe talk of needles makes people nervous in general. Anyway after a 10 min argument over the fact that he gave me the wrong one, I gave up. I came home and double checked the prescription (which he has a copy of) and indeed he gave me the wrong one. Now, do I really want to go and ask for the bigger, longer, scarier needle that was requested or can I get away with the small one that he gave me. Hmmm. What's a girl to do?

Trying to rally

So I had my glass of wine to mourn the last cycle and rally for the next. I am guessing we are doing the same thing this cycle as last cycle, but I put a call into the doc to see if we are changing anything. Waiting to hear back from her.

I think the beginning of the cycle is almost better than the 2 week wait becuase I am DOING stuff (taking the drugs, getting ultrasounds, and of course the FUN part). So I am trying to get my attitude adjusted again to thinking that this will be a good month for us. Still working on that.

Nope. Not this time.

Nada, zip, zero...in other words, big fat negative. Big fat shocker (note sarcasm). I have decided that instead of wallowing in self pity by submerging myself knee deep in Hagen daas I will try the gym for my attitude adjustment. Although I must admit that most of the motivation for going to the gym comes from the fact that I cannot button the top button of my favorite jeans. Up until today I was hoping it was because I was preg. HA! Nope, just too fat. Hello stairmaster, you and I are going to be friends this month. If can't have a baby I AT LEAST want to look hot in my jeans!

10 DPO

That's "days-post-ovulation" for all of you non-TTCers. That means that IF there was a happy little embryo, it should have implanted by today. The fact that I do not know if there was said embryo or if it implanted is making me crazy. I have to wait at least 4 more days before I will know anything. I can't even take a test "just to see" because my HCG shot will make it show up as a false positive. So really the pee stick won't tell me anything for sure.
My body is no help either. If I had to guess, I would say that I was not preg. I feel nothing. Not one single little bit different than I do every other day. My temps have been all over the map the last couple of days. Still in the high enough range, but not getting higher. But on the bright side, I have no PMS symptoms and if I was not on the progesterone AF would be showing up tomorrow.

So basically I am totally overanalyzing all of this and only time will tell. But could it at least hurry up already???

temps with attitude

I am happy to report that my temperatures are much better now. Up and up and up. That makes me happy, happy, happy. Starting tommorrow we enter the implantation zone (assuming there was some egg+sperm action last week) which means I will be on extra high alert for any symptoms. I will of course keep you posted.

I have no physical symptoms of anything, feel totally normal. My attitude is apparently a different story. Unlike last month when I felt yucky and blue, this month I feel fine but hubby informed me this morning that I have had "attitude" lately.
What does that mean?? Can I consider it a possible pregnancy symptom? Is there such a thing as first-trimester-pregnancy-induced-attitude? Of course when AF shows up in a week or so I will have no excuse and have to find some other explination. Oh well, until then I will pretend that my "attitude" is a good thing. Every girl should have a little attitude, right?

What the temp tells

My temperatures are making me a little nervous. They are "high" compared to the rest of the month which is supposed to mean that I ovulated like I was supposed to, but they are only a teeny bit high. Just enough. I want more. I need reassurance!
The progesterone is what makes them go up and I figure my body is supposed to be making some and then I am taking extra on top of that. Don't you think that would make my temps higher than usual? I am sure that I am over analyzing but I keep waiting for my temps to creep their way up. Come on, you can do it! Higher temperatures means good things. After next week it could mean VERY good things. In the mean time, I will continue to analyze every temperature and twinge in my body, hoping for a sign. At the very least I want a sign that the ovulation was successful, and at the most...well you can guess. ( I am too nervous to even type the thought. I am afraid to get my hopes up) . I am here, waiting, hoping, waiting, hoping....

Update: My temp was ever-so-slightly higher this morning. That makes me exponentially happier.

It's all good :-)

This is my first fully functioning, appropriate timing, there is a chance (albeit slim) that I might actually get pregnant this month, cycle. Everything worked! My one follicle matured beautifully. I got an HCG shot, and we followed all medical advise for "timing". Now with the help of extra progesterone we hope for a cushy lining and we wait. Hang with me for the trying-not-to-get-my-hopes-up 2 weeks and we will see what happens. We are getting closer :-) Yeah!!!!!

Ladylike

This month, my ovaries have decided to behave like the ladies that I have tried to encourage them to be. They did what the new drugs told them to and made a cute little semi-mature follicle. And yes I said a follicle...as in one, not 14. Now I can rejoin the ranks of most other women in the world who produce one follicle a month. Slowly (very slowly) but surely we are getting closer to parenthood The ladies are learning. I am so proud.

The docs want to check up on my prize follicle on Saturday, so off to another ultrasound we will go, AND because it is on a Saturday I am making hubby come with me. It irritates me that he has yet to see the inside of a clinic since the beginning of all of this TTC stuff. So I made it perfectly clear that this weekend there would be no golf/soccer/bike rides/etc and that he will be staring at fuzzy black and white pictures of my ovaries. Boy was he excited.

Thanks for the good thoughts and crossed fingers. Keep them crossed, we still need ovulation but things are looking good! I think we may have found our drug of choice. I have not had the crazy emotional side effects that the clomid gave me. I feel like myself again (which means still crazy...but in a good way :-)

Until Saturday!

Ouch!

In the name of "I'll try anything once" and my upcoming wedding anniversary I decided to get a bikini wax. I have never had anything waxed before (no, not even my eyebrows). Since I was being adventurous, I opted for a more exotic version. All I can say is OUCH! What was I thinking??? Of course, since I had undergone all of that pain in the name of love for my hubby (and since I was already at the spa) I decided that his anniversary gift to me would a nice, relaxing, facial. I felt much better after that. Thanks honey.

I realize that this is more information than you probably care to know about me, but I offer this as a warning to those potentially contemplating this little procedure. I am down with the waxing but I advise sticking to the more conservative American version.

On the fertility front: I have another ultrasound on Wed. and I wonder if I will get a raised eyebrow from my doc when she sees the new "do". We shall see! We shall also see if the new drugs are working (but not too well). So far so good. I have not been crying at commercials, but both my TV and my computer are currently broken. (I am coming to you from hubby's computer). Not sure how much blogging will be done in the near future, but I will try and pop in.

Another Round!

Oh how I wish that meant "another round ...of alcoholic drinks" but alas, I am referring to another round of fertility fun. AF showed up right on time and I put in my obligatory call to the fertility doc. New drugs in a few days (beware of more insanity) ultrasound a week later.
I must admit, I am tired of doing all the "right" things to make this happen. This month I want to hike to a mountain top, have potfulls of coffee, and go out partying all night while drinking lots of wine! Will I do all of these things?? No. I will drink my green tea on the drive from my acupunturist to my yoga class. I will go to bed at 9pm and there will be no partying. I am lame, and obsessed with all of this and would feel completely guilty if I did anything that could jeopardize this cycle. Of course, if this cycle works, I get to pat myself on the back and say that it was all because I was in tune with my body and followed all of the directions. (I would skip the part about the powerful drugs and close monitoring by medical professionals) Nope, if this cycle (or one in the future) is successful I am taking ALL of the credit. Well, I guess I could give hubby a little credit too...but just a little :-) Hopefully this will be our month!

P.S. The ovulation counter above is actually (shockingly and coincidentally) on the right day!!

The funky fourth

This weekend was quite an adventure. Hubby and I went to the wedding of 2 Iron Man Triathletes. There was a not-so-mini triathalon, major hike, a soccer/football game (he is English), oh and dancing in high heels (which totally counts as an athletic event, btw). You would think that with all of that exercise, outdoor activity, and lovey sentimental stuff I would have been in a great mood. But no, it appears that I am no longer in charge of my mood, and it no longer needs rhyme or reason to go sour. I admit, I am prone to being in the occasional funk. It often coincides with crappy weather, but this time there was no explanation. I think it may have had a little to do with the multitude of children and big preggy bellies, at the wedding. These are my friends so I love playing with the kids and am thrilled for the preggy ones, but I guess I felt left out. Hubby and I were the only 2 non-newlyweds that didn’t have kids or one on the way. It was a bummer.

I guess my previous pity party turned into a low grade funk, but I feel like I am coming out of it now. I had much alcohol at the wedding. Hubby could tell I was in a funk and valiantly offered be the sober driver home from the wedding (even though the couple were more his friends than mine). That’s true love for ya.

On the upside I should get a visit from AF soon and we can start another round. Stay tuned.

Better now

The swelling seems to have gone down, my temperature is up, and I gave myself a time-out for my childish behavior. I am feeling more adult now. I am afraid to be hopeful that this temp increase might mean that I ovulated on my own. I will have to wait a few more days to find out. Until then...

FYI

When your ovaries are the size of lemons it makes you feel fat.
Ugh. The buttons on my pants are not happy.

The doctor said: clomid + me = not good. So we have to try something new. The problem, well its not really a problem (except for my phyche) is that I have to WAIT. I hate waiting. Especially when the thing I have to wait for is my stupid ovaries. We all know how reliable they are. I have to wait and see if I ovulate on my own (yeah, right) for the next 3 weeks. If not, then another ultrasound and provera to start a new cycle. The starting the new cycle is a good thing but 3 weeks + 2 weeks of taking the pills + a week of waiting for my period to start after stopping the pills puts me well into August before we can try something new.

I am trying to be positive. I am trying not to be an impatient whiney brat, but I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN NOW!!!! Ok, so I am not trying very hard, but I am in self pity mode. Waa.

Now what?

I dunno. I talk to my doc again on Tuesday and I think we wait for this overzealous cycle to wear itself out and start again next month. With a different drug.

However, The fact that my ovaries seem to be up to the challenge is a very good sign!

Down Girls!

Ya'll are not going to believe this one. Yesterday I was hoping and praying that the clomid worked and that I would have a couple of follicles with egg-potential. Yeah...be careful what you wish for.

I was very very close to being on the evening news, the front page of the newspaper, or Ripley's believe it or not (yes, I am THAT big of a freak).

Why do you ask???

Because I had FOURTEEN follicles!! FOURTEEN, people! Seven in each ovary. I DO NOT want 14 babies. Would that be fourteenuplets? Very Scary.

My ovaries must have been inspired by the world cup soccer that I have been watching and thought they would have their own tournament. Can’t you picture it? Team right ovary vs. team left! Yikes!

However, I am acting as referee and pulling major red cards. There will be no shoot-out in my uterus thankyouverymuch.

Didn’t think I would be saying this for a while, but I am off to buy condoms. LOTS of them. Later.

still swinging

Things I have cried over in the last week: Newspaper article mentioned above, Sex and the City rerun, various country music songs, and one of the baby birthing shows (remind me not to watch those anymore). I also went to a wedding on Sunday and forgetaboutit, I was a crying mess! Although, after reading some of the potential side effects of the drugs (i.e. PERMANENT vision damage) my sappy crying bouts were nothing.

I am done with the clomid for now and have to wait until Thursday's ultrasound to see if it worked. Cross you fingers for me!!!

I am a little worried about Thursday because they are also looking at the lining around my lovely uterine septum and if they are not happy with the way it is growing then I have to have surgery. Yuck.

SO, on Thursday we are hoping for responsive ovaries, a couple of mature follicles, and a nice comfy lining for a 9 month nap. I'll keep you posted!

Sappy

Two days on the drugs and I haven't become a bitch yet (well, any more than usual). I did get a sign this morning that the drugs may be turning me into more of a sap. I was at the coffee shop with hubby and reading the newspaper when I read an article about a 98 year old women who graduated from high school. Two days ago I would have thought "you go girl" and turned the page. Today I got all teary eyed and was having all sorts of "that is just the sweetest thing I have ever heard!" thoughts. (with a "bless her heart" for good measure). I mean, it is great and all, but that is not normal for me. Should be an interesting week.

I have 3 more days on the crazy pills...stay tuned for more mood swinging :-)

FINALLY!

I have the drugs!! I have the little orange bottle right here in my hand! No one can take it away from me. I even have the go-ahead from the doctor to start taking said drugs...TODAY! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooooo happy to be doing something other that tests, tests, and more tests. Ya'll, I might even have a 30 something day cycle this month. I am thrilled (an clearly I am easily amused), but I feel like this is a big step in the right direction. Look out ovaries! Your days of ruling this body are o.v.e.r. Clomid's in charge now, HA!

Hello again

I did not intend to take such a long blogger break, but life has been a little crazy. Now I have graduated (Yeah!!), and finished playing tour guide to my parents who were in town. Now all I am left with is peace. Aahhh. Back to blogging. I have missed you.

Updates: AF and I are enjoying the peace. I will probably be seeing her more often so better get used to her presence. The surgery verdict is in. I have chosen to wait and see before going under the knife. If I miscarry (assuming I can get preg) then I will revisit the possibility. As of now, I have Clomid Class on Monday!! I will be diligently taking notes Monday afternoon and hopefully popping pills by Tuesday. A few days and a few ultrasounds later, I get to give myself a big shot.

Does anyone know if the rumors about Clomid are true? Will it make me a crazy woman? If you notice my blogs are moody and emotional let me know so that I can blame it on the drugs. I wonder how much BS my hubby will take from me if I blame it on the drugs? Major shopping sprees? Ice cream for dinner? Hmmm…maybe I can work this to my advantage.

Tan and Happy

I LOVE vacation, especially when you REALLY need one. Lots of sunshine and beaches made me a very happy girl!!

Utero update: the "utero tour" dvd will not be playing at a blog near you. They didn't give me one, but what am I going to do with it really? Turns out I have a lovely septum that may or may not have to come out. We are still awaiting the septum verdict. The team of medical professionals has been assembled (including a NEW GYN YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and they will be deliberating until Monday. Until then, we return you to your regularly scheduled blogger broadcast.

Oh, I almost forgot - the ultrasound (and subsequently my temperatures) showed that I ovulated!! ALL BY MYSELF. I was pretty surprised, and will take all of the little victories that I can get :-) As for whether anything will come of this ovulation...I am not holding my breath, but will wait and see.

Vacation

I am on vacation. I brought my ovaries and uterus along, even though they have been misbehaving. I did not bring my husband, at least for this portion of the vacation. This was the time to exploit...um, I mean visit the friends and family who live at the beach in Florida :-) Today they all actually left me and I am chillin at my bro's house by myself. I have been in and out of internet availability and will be through next week. We (my organs and I ) are enjoying the calm before the storm. When I get back to Cali we have Doctor's appointments galore and the release of the much anticipated "utero-tour" dvd. Should be very exciting!

cool stuff and good news

I think I understand a little of why crazy Tom wanted an ultrasound machine. I had my first one today and saw my little polycystic ovaries up close. With all those follicles all dressed up but not enough hormones to make them go :-(
The best part was seeing my f'ed up uterus. It only looks mildly f'd up. YEAH!!! I still have to get a 3-D ultrasound to get more info (surgery/no surgery). I get a copy of the "Utero-tour" on CD to bring home. Won't that make for a great holiday gift? Maybe I'll post for all of you?


OK, I'll spare you the video, but you might still get the play by play :-)

New Docs

Its official, I cut ties with the evil gyn and now have myself appointments with 2 new new docs a reproductive endocrinologist and an OB/GYN - a good one (or so I am told). I had the distinct pleasure of calling the (evil) office to cancel my upcoming appointment. "No I DO NOT want to reschedule" Ahhh, moving on from her feels good. Now because I am a new patient with my new doctor, I have to wait a month to be seen, but I am going on vacation for 2 weeks anyway (very excited about it!!!) and really there is no more rush so....whatever.

New 10 year plan - get pregnant before I turn 40. No rush. Just would like to get there eventually.

New philosophy - roll with the punches

Freak of nature

yep, thats me. I got the infertility double whammy. I have a malformed uterus on top of my PCOS. Woo hoo! I did have my consult with the fertility doc today and she seemed very cool. She also gave me the name of a GYN practice that can best deal with all of my girly issues. I have to have a super fancy ultrasound to see things up close and personal and then I will know more. As of now I can still get preg it is just going to take a team of people and a LOT of time. So thanks for sticking with me and listening!

The short of it

So my test on Wednesday. Lets just say that it sucked. Bordered on traumatic. I totally melted down into tears in the middle of it. I am better now and I think the results are OK. So thats a plus.

I had posted a detailed description of the day, which was up for about 10 min, before I decided that sometimes it really is too much information.

So the only slightly ironic and slightly comical part of all of it was that my 2 male doctors (yes it took 2 doctors and 2 hours to get it to work) were about my age (30ish) and H.O.T. I felt like I was on a TV show. Why couldn't they have been middle aged bald guys? It was very strange to think "if I were single I would have totally flirted with this guy at a bar" right before he explains the purpose of the stirrups . Yeah. Thanks buddy. I get it.

not-so-cuties

Went shopping today for the low-carb, low-sugar, gonna- make-me-ovulate diet. I bought tofu ice cream (because there is no way I can give it up completely).

SO not the same. (sigh.)

Diets?

I am just hanging out waiting for my test (next Wed), but I am trying to see if there is something I can do to help things along in the meantime. I have been reading up on the PCOS and supposedly I can help make things better by going on a low-carb diet. I have never actually been on a diet before. And getting rid of carbs??? That includes ice cream! I am not sure I can do that. I love carbs. I love bread....but I also like control. Hmmm. Could I give up ice cream for control over my ovaries??? I guess we will find out. I ordered a PCOS diet book that is supposed to tell me how to do it. Also recommended was the Zone. Anyone been on that one? Is it torture?

Now, before all you people who know me get bent out of shape...I am not planning on losing any weight. Promise. But supposedly by eating different things I can make my ovaries a little less cycstic and that sounds good to me. But no ice cream...really???

Women of the world

Hubby's hard work paid off. He has been asking every female he can find if they can recommend a gyn or a fertility doc and he hit pay dirt when he asked my SIL. She is a member of a mothers group that is HUGE and has an email network. She threw a few questions out to the group and I have gotten at least 50 responses!!! Many of them went through the infertility thing and gave great advice and of course now they are in the mom's group so that gives me hope!! I love that women are so willing to share. Girls Rock.

Big Thanks

Dear blogger friends,
Thank you SO much for your support and advice! I really appreciate it. It helps to know that I am not going crazy and not turning into an annoying patient (Ok, maybe just a little) but I have good reason.

I had no idea that blogging could connect me to such supportive new friends. I knew it would reconnect me to my southern Podunk girls (which has been wonderful!), but I also wanted to give a big shout-out to one belle who called her buddy that lives near me and got me some good referrals. THANKS!! I have been asking around. Even hubs has been asking around! Can you imagine? “Excuse me, my wife needs a new gynecologist. Do you have a recommendation?” I am not kidding. The man has no fear.

I also took the next step and got an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist at a fertility center. I want to see what the experts have to say. I still have to have my oh-so-fun test before the appointment but hopefully by the end of the month we can move forward a little more.

Bitch

Sorry there is no other word to describe her. I had no idea that seeing a gynecologist could cause so much drama! Update from last post: the call I was supposed to get “by the end of the day” yeah. Didn’t happen. Big surprise. So I left a message on Wed (no response) and one this morning. At 2pm I still had heard nothing and was in the neighborhood so thought I would leave a written message. I also had a few questions that I didn’t want to leave on the voice mail at the call center and thought a note would be easier.
So I actually get a call back several hours later (I unfortunately missed the call…stupid cell phone coverage) and SHE is pissed at ME!!!! The message “ You have to give me time to get back to you on these things” (Uh, you said you would call Monday…its now Friday) “I know you have needs but I have things that are more pressing” (even if that is true, I don’t need to hear that). Then my personal favorite…” yes, you need X test, you have to schedule it on the first day of your period”.
I’m sorry…my what?? Have you heard a single word I have said since I walked into your office?? I came in to see you because I DON”T GET A PERIOD!!!!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I am done. I don’t care if it takes me 3 months to get an appointment with another gyn, I cannot deal with her for one more second.

I felt guilty about being such a pain…for about a second. Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. Please tell me that your providers call you back when you leave a message. Please tell me that I will be able to find someone better.

Alpha male

I was forced to bring out my inner bitch (southern style of course). I went to the clinic ( without an appointment) and politely told them that I would sit and wait for my results. 2 HOURS later I actually saw someone who gave me the results ...Yeah! They were actually hubby's results. He was very excited that he passed his test with flying colors. I think I can actually see him puffing his chest and strutting around. It is quite funny.
Here is the unfortunate part. There is one more test that I might need before I can get the drugs, but it is expensive and not covered by insurance. So she is consulting with the fertility docs to see if it is something I really need. She is supposed to call me back..."by the end of the day"...yeah. right. I'll be here holding my breath.

FYI - yes, I am shopping for a new GYN

here we go again

Ya'll I don't know what else to do. The clinic is holding my results hostage...again!! I have left messages...again. I even tried to get an appointment (since that seemed to work last time). Nothing until the END OF APRIL. The conversation would take all of 2 minutes. No really- 2 min. Is it door number one (clomid) or door number two (referral to endocrinologist)?? The answer is locked away in their computers. All they have to do is look at the screen and tell me which prize I win.
Instead I seem to be getting the "thank you for playing" consolation prize of being ignored. I really have been trying to avoid sitting in the lobby until they give me my results, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

Now the question is...how much help do we need? Today hubby had his test and was a good sport about it. He made the mistake of telling his brother about it who promptly laughed at him. But I say, if he wants cousins for his kids he better shut up.
Now I have to play the "give me my f'ing results" game again. His results will determine which tests I have to have next. I will, of course, keep you all posted.

the verdict

The results are in...I have non-classic polycystic ovarian syndrome. It means lots of things but mostly that I have to have a little help to get preggers.

friday

Yet another conversation with said clinic secretary. Still no test results.
BUT
I did get an appointment for Friday :-) I am betting it gets cancelled. If it does I am bringing my tent and my laptop and will set up camp in her office. It will be a sit-in to raise awareness about the neuroses of the TTC woman. Won't that be fun?

On other topics: Today in acupuncture was strange, very strange. I had salt and herbs put in my belly button and then set on fire. Oh yeah, you read it right. Not just for needles anymore! They are breaking out the crazy stuff. All I can say is, if it gets the ovaries to work I will stand on my head and chant while lighting my belly button on fire. I am just that dedicated/insane/desperate.

Welcome little sis

Hello all
I have an anouncement to make:

My little sis has joined the blogging world! She is starting a new adventure, and has to live away from her hubby for a while. She could use some online girlfriends so if you have a spare minute please check her out here.

Thanks!!

Whup ass

Looks like I have to open up a can...
I have now left 3 messages at the clinic in search of my long lost test results. Yesterday's conversation went something like this " blah, blah, my test results are supposed to be in by now.."
(clinic secratary) " oh yes I see that your results are all in"
(me) " Is my NP in today?"
(her) "oh yes, she is here today"
(me) "Great, could someone call me back with the results?
(her) "Sure I will have her call you"

Calls: NONE
Results: NONE

Single girl was giving me advice last night. She suggested screaming into the phone until I got to talk to someone or go and sit in the clinic and refuse to leave. I think I might take lessons from the toddlers I know and pitch a hissy fit. Think that will work? My hissy fits are a little rusty, anyone got any pointers?

Harassment

How many times can you call a clinic before it is considered harassment? I guess since they left me 4 messages last Friday for apparently no reason, they will not mind if I call them every day until they give me my test results, schedule me for another appointment, or pawn me off on some poor unsuspecting fertility clinic.
I am an educated, motivated, and persistent woman. With most things in life that is an asset, but if you are the clinic on the receiving end of my incessant phone calls you might not think so. Whoever has the job of answering that phone, I pity you (but not enough to stop calling).

S&TC Quiz

I hear that some of my fellow belles had quite a chat last night. Sounds like fun! They also took the sex and the city quiz to see what character they were most like. Hello Mirandas! Since Raybelle happened to link to the quiz I HAD to take it myself.

You guessed it: Charlotte

Geez. It figures.

A few differences: my Jewish hubby was my first (and only) marriage and I didn't convert. Sorry hubs, no offense. But the "reproductivly challenged" part. Yep, that's me.

what's all the fuss about?

You know what the 4 messages were all about? Nothing! Only to tell me that my test results will be back next week. Why don't you just call me when they are back, huh? That would be slightly less stressful.

should I be freaking out?

I had FOUR messages from the doctors office today. FOUR!!!!
2 on my home phone and 2 on my cell. I missed the calls (obviously) and it was after hours when I got the messages, but what on earth warrants FOUR messages?
I am afraid, very afraid.

And the winner is??

The suspense is killing me. This morning I waved goodbye to a significant amount of blood and sent it on its merry way to the lab (to see what the problem with my cycle is). Now I just have to sit and wait for the results. Looks like it will be about a week+. I think this TTC thing is supposed to teach you patience because I feel like waiting is all I do.
Wait for the birth control to get out of your system (I heard lots of "it takes time") Yeah. Not 8 months.
Then there is the wait for ovulation, which in my case, could take millennia.
Then the worst is the dreaded tww (two week wait) with all of the "what if" going on. tourture.

With all of this training I am going to be a rock star at waiting out temper tantrums, or being patient with homework, I might even learn to cut my hubby some slack. See, I will be a good mommy. All I have to do is wait...

Dopey

Can the preggy/mommy brain thing happen before you actually concieve? Maybe it is a side effect of my blonde hair color or something, but I have somehow screwed up taking my meds. DUH. You would think that this would not happen considering that I have professional training on medications and am slightly obsessive about all of this TTC stuff, but alas when I checked my chart to record my temp today I am suppoed to have 3 more pills to take. Yeah, there are only 2 left in the container. What on earth did I do? I counted them when I filled the prescription and they were all there. My big hope is that I did not take 2 in one day. Oops! I am trying to make the hormone imbalence better, not worse! Maybe down the sink, on the floor, who knows??? This does not bode well for the future forgetfullness to come. Sorry my friends, if I forget about you it was not intentional I am just slowly losing my mind.


***Update: No lost pill, just a lost mind and an inability to count

The Irony

I am happy to report that the side effects are subsiding. Even if acupunture isn't enough to jump start my ovaries, it does helpto clear up my skin and put me in a good mood. That makes it worth my dime.

The irony I am experienceing is that I am working on a project in which I have to research family planning care of women...that means mostly "how NOT to get pregnant". So I am spending my days knee deep in birth control methods yet I think...I have got the how NOT to get pregnant thing pretty much figured out. It is the how TO get pregnant part that I am having trouble with. I guess I have got the how-to part of it figured out too. I mean I understand the physiology. My brain knows what to do, but my body is a "slow learner" I think clomid will make a great tutor :-)

It figures

Drugs are good but they do bring their little friends - side effects. I knew they were coming, but I am not sure how they are going to help my cause. The acne has arrived, whoo hoo! I had acne as a teenager, I did my time, but it is back for another round. As for the mood swings, I feel a little cranky but hubby might tell a different story. I hope its not too bad.
My big question is, how is a face full of zits and a bad mood supposed make hubby want to to be in the same room with me much less the same bed?

drumroll please...

I took the mandatory test this morning and OF COURSE it was negative. duh. I could have told the NP that there was no way I was preg but she had to cover her you-know-what. Fine with me. Today is day number one of the drugs, 11 more to go. Fun with hormones! I hope that they don't induce too much mood swinging or a revival of more teenage acne. Don't worry, I will keep you posted whether you like it or not!!

Chocolates, roses, drugs

No lovey presents for me this Valentines day. I get a preg test and some progesterone. whoo hoo! I have been avoiding the hubby for the last 2 weeks (doctor's orders) and have to take a preg test tomorrow just to make sure. I can tell you that answer right now, but I will take the test for kicks. Then we move on to the drugs. 2 weeks of progesterone that will supposedly invite aunt flo back into my life. Come on back! I have been taking the ovulation tests "just in case" my body decides to wake up on its own, but I think it is in a holding pattern. I get the 2 lines (still) but no surge. Of course, today was a little darker but still not a positive. I am not sure what is going on there, but the ovaries have 2 days to wake up or I am going to drug them and hope that they can rally for next cycle.
Stay tuned for more posts full of TMI. :-)

Stress?

So the other thing the NP said at my visit is that this could possibly be caused by stress. I think maybe there is some truth to this, and people keep telling me this (which is not that helpful). Hubby's advice was "stop stressing out about stuff" (REALLY not helpful). So I have been trying to figure out if I believe this is true and how much I can realistically do about it.

I am in grad school but have 1 class and can do the rest of my work from home, in my PJ's like I am now. I have a job but only work max 10 hours a week, and don't have any other life stuff to stress about. Everyone is happy and healthy. That combined with the fact that I took off 3 weeks over the holidays (no school, no work, no nothing) and still have f'ed up cycles tells me that either this is not ALL stress realated or I am going to have sit on my butt and do nothing in order to get pg. I think that would cause a different kind of mental strain- aka-boredom.

I am graduating soon and supposed to be looking for a job but I go through this daily argument with myself "this Pg thing could take a while and I have some great opportunities presenting themselves. so I should get a job" OR " I should focus on this pg thing, eliminate stress, keep my very part time job and not get a full time job". I am not sure I am capable of this! I LIKE being really busy. I am also having trouble with the "housewife" designation, mostly guilt about not contributing to the household. I feel like I should be DOING something. FYI - I am TOTALLY OK with the stay-at-home-mom designation, but what am I supposed to do in the meantime??

Can you tell I am struggling with this issue?

Thanks for listening.

The verdict

I now remember why most women are not excited to go to the GYN, but we did make a little progress. Gettin' some tests done but I have to get blood drawn on day 3 of my cycle which could be, um, next week, next month, next year? Who freaking knows. She wanted me to wait until I got there on my own, but I brought out the "don't-give-me-that-BS-I-know-you-got-drugs-for-that" look, and so she gave the drugs. I am a happy girl! I have wait 2 weeks before I can take them, 2 weeks before they work, then I get the tests done and probably have to wait another 2 weeks for the results. In the meantime this could be a rather boring blog. Sorry.
Let's get this party started!

aarrrgggh

OK who gave my Doc the germs that made her sick?
I have been rescheduled! I made the appointment 3 months ago, and I am ready already!
Now I have to wait until Wed to see if we can make some baby-making progress.

Hi ho, hi ho

It's off to the doctor I go! I am armed with 7 months of charts that prove that my ovaries suck. Somehow I feel like I am going to have to defend the fact that I need drugs to jump start this process. It think it is because when I went in for my last GYN visit and told them I was planning to get preg, the only counseling I got was "take a vitamin". Oh hell no.
If the doc tomorrow says that to me, I am shoving the speculum up her nose.

I will let you know how that works out.

Calling for backup

I knew it was too much to ask to start the year off with a normal cycle. I am on day 33 and no egg yet. I have run out of ovulation predictor tests and can't bring myself to buy more at this point. I have a Dr's appointment next Monday and am actually excited about it. I am sure that I am the only woman on the planet who is actually excited to go to the GYN, but I am hoping she can help jump start this baby making process. I have been good for 7 months, followed all the rules, tried eastern medicine and now I am calling for reinforcements! Bring on the Western meds! I am cool with blood tests and am in support of pharmaceuticals. We shall see what the doc has to say.

very tricky...

Every women knows the rule of a pregnancy test from the time she starts having sex, right?
One line = negative
Two lines = positve

So when it comes to an ovulation predictor test you would think that the same rules apply, right? Wrong!

I am on day 20 something and hoping that all the vacation and relaxation would help me get into a normal cycle, so I took an ovulation prediction test to see if maybe it was coming sometime soon. I was SO excited that I got 2 lines! Now, one was light and the control was dark, but at this point I will take what I can get. I was super happy all day, thinking this was going to be a good month.

The next day, I read the instructions...
There are always 2 lines. A faint line= negative, a dark line= positve. HUH?
I know I should have read the directions before, but who is mean enough to do that to a woman. I know the rules! You do not mess with a TTC woman and show her 2 lines unless you mean "positive".

I bet that test was designed by a man.

The real story...

Vacation was GREAT!!! I had the best time sailing around an island paradise and pretending I was 21 again. I will post pics and the censored version of the story on Married Life, but there is more to the story.
Tequila is bad, very bad. It made me do things like jump off a pirate ship/bar. Doesn't sounds so bad, right? Well..... you got a t-shirt if you jumped off sans-swimsuit. I won't say whether or not I brought home a t-shirt, but let me just say again that tequila is VERY BAD.

There was also the crazy New Years party that also featutred Mr Cuervo. There was no jumping off of structures, but we had a fun time!

There was lots of fish viewing, sunbathing, and beach combing in between the alcohol induced evenings. If the method of celebrating the New Year is any indication of the year to come, 2006 is going to be a VERY, VERY good one!!